Swearing too much

[Contessa]

Does anybody else swear/cuss too much? I'm struggling with it big time. Have been able to catch myself recently while generally settling, or apologise for any slips immediately. But was triggered the other day and now f-bombs are coming out left right and centre. Not liking this but I do not know if I am losing control, or at this stage voluntarily relinquishing it to just aid the release of frustration. Almost certain its the latter. Either way, I don't like it.

Thinking of starting a swear jar to donate to a charitable organisation, or even just starting a art project - have a sketch book full of artistic swear words. You know those signs people sometimes decorate their places with (love... family... joy... etc). Any other ideas that help?

[movementforthebetter]

I swear all the time. It's a habit I learned from my M. Just recently I've been wondering if it might be a way of perpetuating abuse on myself. My F always used to pseudo-swear, saying FUDGE or something like that. Maybe that could help - substituting while cutting down?

[Dutch Uncle]

I don't swear that often. But nowadays, in the privacy of my own recovery, I do at times. Venting the anger. With a vengeance  .
Swearing was a big no-no at home, as was basically all anger. Never mind that there was a lot of physical violence going on (parents to kids, siblings among each other which often led to the fighting siblings getting beaten by a parent...) but swearing was an absolute no.
Anger no, violence yes. As I typed the above I suddenly realized that was exactly that went on in my 'home'.

So I don't know what you would consider "too much"?
Personally, I think I would get worried about my swearing if it is becoming the only way I can express my discontent over anything.
If at the moment a specific area in your life can only be expressed by swearing, possibly it's even an OK avenue to pursue. You probably have tried everything else.

Perhaps you could allow yourself a month of swearing? And after that evaluate?

[Contessa]

Hey MFTB, great suggestion. I already have those substitutes as little phrases which really make me and other people laugh more than anything but they are never enough for the emotion that comes with those full on expletives.

Hey DU, I like your idea, yeah. Allow it, get it out. What I consider too much is that at the moment it can be anywhere an f-bomb can slot in and still make grammatical sense, it will be (... Australian, if that helps, haha).

I have been mindful of it lately and have been catching myself, but was triggered the other day and it was f-bomb central. Too much.

[movementforthebetter]

I've also read that swearing is actually a method to cope with/release pain. So it might be a pretty normal function in your recovery. On top of that, lots of people are not offended by swearing at all. So as long as you don't feel bad and it's not impacting you or others negatively it might not be a big deal. I would think if it's coming up at work or around kids, those are probably sure signs to curb it. Ultimately you know best what's right for you!

[sanmagic7]

personally, i love swearing.  my childhood was so restrictive about that that we weren't even allowed to say 'shut up' - my dad told me only criminals and other bad people used that phrase.

when i finally left my parents home at nearly 22, i still had never said the 'f' word.  it took me quite a while of hanging around with a much more laid-back bunch of people before that word ever left my lips.  but, what a release!  what freedom!  to be able to choose from any word i knew, whichever one fit the occasion, was a revelation to me!

i agree that sometimes certain words just simply fit the situation or emotion.  when i do my anger work, even with people i love (when i'm by myself) i don't edit my vocabulary.  when i'm with friends or my husband, i let my words fly with ease.  yes, there are certain situations, places, people where i watch my language more than at other times, but, all in all, i'm comfortable with the way i speak as a general rule.

i liked dutch uncle's idea of 'allowing' yourself to speak as you feel for a month, then to re-evaluate.  you may be in a place in your recovery where language is somehow connected to the place where you're at.   sometimes, when we force ourselves to be a certain way because of protocol, or for convention's sake, we're really dismissing and rejecting our true selves.  my opinion. 

yes, there are certain situations where it would be offensive to speak our minds in a more crude manner (if you want to call it that), but you seem to know in general where it's best to stifle your language a bit and where it's ok to let 'er rip!  i think the fact that you're aware is a big factor in finding a balance.  you may just be tipping the scales to one end at the moment, for whatever reason.  i don't doubt they'll tip back to a more comfortable place eventually.