Hey there

[Meng]

I just discovered this forum today, it looks great! Reading posts here I get the feeling "I know how you feel" all the time. I have found trying to explain my feelings to psychologists and coaches in the past exhausting, so this is a huge relief 

I'm a 30 year old male, living in Scandinavia. I actually discovered the term  C-PTSD only a few weeks ago, in a video by Spartan life coach on youtube. I felt it click immediately, in a way no description or diagnosis has ever done before. At the moment I'm reading Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, by Pete Walker. For those familiar with the terms from this book I have identified myself as a Freeze type, with dissociation as my coping strategy. Stopping dissociation even for a moment drains me of all energy and leaves me feeling hopeless. Still I have faith in the process, or more correctly I don't see any other way than  to work trough my trauma.

Broke off all contact with my family two years ago. My father was clearly a narcissist. I think he alternates between overt and covert narcissism, but I'm not quite sure on the correct terms yet. My mother is more of a mystery to me. She has narcissistic traits, no doubt, but she does not seem to fit completely. In a strange way she was more humble and quiet. Still I can never remember to have seen any empathy from her for any living thing ever. She seems to be sadistic to me, enjoying seeing others suffer and make them feel hopeless.

My life is kind of a mess at the moment. I've had several jobs after finishing university 5 years ago. I finally quit this summer, when I felt I could not go on anymore. I was so dissociated that I hardly worked anything the lasts years. For some reason I can't explain my behaviors hardly got any consequences. At the moment I takes some courses at the university again and lives on savings from my years of working. What the future will brings I don't have a clue about.

Not quite sure how to use this forum, but I hope it will be a place for mutual support and friendship 

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome! We're glad you've found us.

It can be so validating to finally hear people describing what you've been thru! To hear others' stories that sounded like my own was such a good feeling I nearly cried with relief.

As you get to know our forum, make sure to take a minute to read the Guidelines. We ask all newcomers to familiarize themselves with the Guidelines to ensure this is a safe place for everyone. Here's a link for convenience: http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=1616.0

Welcome aboard! 

[MarkD67]

Hi Meng. Good luck. I hope you find some comfort in knowing you're not the only one. It can be so isolating, but for me knowing others have walked their path to recovery as well makes my journey less intimidating. I'm in Australia and wish you well from Down Under. M