Confusion

[papillon]

Hey folks.

I had a day last week where I was extremely confused. I drove, but now I know I shouldn't have because I had trouble figuring out which lane I was supposed to be in, delayed reaction time, etc.  I had trouble with much easier tasks too, such as fixing breakfast and sorting vitamins for the day.

My stress level with work and dealing with FOO has been exceptionally high, in addition to dealing with chronic pain, so I'm not surprised that this happens/happened... I would just like to shed a little light on it.

I have a few questions:

1- Is this "normal"? I understand now that it's a symptom of PTSD. I had always thought it was something that everyone experienced on a regular basis because that was part of my experience of life. Do non-PTSD sufferers experience anything like this as a regular part of life?

2- My second question is more academic, can anyone tell me what's going on in the brain that causes confusion?

3- I could have hurt myself or someone else by driving last week, but I didn't realize what a state I was in until after I was on the road and having trouble with a route I take everyday. I need to find a system for recognizing when I get in that state. What are some tools you use to check in with yourself to make sure you're functioning well enough to participate in life?

Thanks!

[meursault]

1.  I don't know, because it's normal to me, too!!!
2. My guess is the animal brain is panicking and just spraying out a cascade of electrical bursts trying to activate fight/flight/freeze and vigilance signals.  Causes a lot of cognitive incoherence.  That's just my guess, but it seems pretty reasonable to me.
3.  Hmm.  Maybe mindfulness exercises or body awareness stuff.  I tend to analyze myself a lot, so I actually "watch myself" having this stuff happen sometimes, passively witnessing it.

Meursault

[papillon]

I've been poking around on the internet. If anyone else is interested: this article has some general insights into how anxiety causes disorientation.

http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/disorientation

[Dee]

I'll look at the link, but do want to tell you I do this as well.

Two weeks ago I was in the airport and very confused.  I even went to the wrong gates.  I practically grew up in an airport, and this was a tiny one.  It can be very embarrassing to mess up on simple things and people have to set you right.  When I do stuff like that I always apologize and say I'm just very tired today.

[papillon]

Thanks, Dee.

Yes, it is embarrassing. And highly frustrating. I wonder sometimes if the people in my life who have seen me this way time & time again over the years think I'm simple-minded? I've even been accused of doing drugs when in this kind of state 

I've worn out the "I'm really tired" or "under the weather" excuses. I don't think people buy it anymore. Still, saying those things (even though they don't satisfy) is a million times easier than explaining that it's a symptom of a mental illness.

[writetolife]

It looks a bit different for me.  Less noticeable from the outside, but I catch myself getting confused similarly, too.  For example, today while I was waiting at a stop light everything all of the sudden felt unfamiliar and I felt like I was in the incorrect lane, but what on earth other lane would I be in to turn left? And if i turned would I be working against traffic and... for a little bit there I had no idea what was going on. 

I don't know if it's true or not, but I assumed it was part of dissociation.  I thought it was my brain shutting down some of its processes in an effort to protect me and really not caring about scaring the snot out of me in the process.

[papillon]

Hey writetolife,

Thanks for sharing. Your story is eerily similar to what I experienced. I had so much trouble sorting out how to turn left at an intersection...

I hadn't thought about a connection between confusion and dissociation. I was definitely seeking comfort in things that numb such as binge-watching tv, eating comfort food, and drinking... anything to keep me from being alone with my thoughts. I like to think of numbing as dissociation's good friend.

It would make a lot of sense for the confused state to come from a shut-down, dissociated brain.

I guess it's a little naive to think I can go from full-out numbing to doing something requiring full engagement (driving and meeting with a group) without there being kinks in my brain.

It feels like a catch 22. If I were to do things differently I wouldn't have driven (because that was dangerous), which would mean passing up an opportunity to be social with people I care about (which is incredibly healing). Going, despite the risk, means that I'm still not fully-present with my friends because my brain is all foggy. If I hadn't engaged in the numbing behaviors then I would have fallen into despair leaving me in no state to be social.

I'm looking for a "win" here... I don't see one.

[writetolife]

I'm looking for a "win" here... I don't see one.

I know that I don't know your situation, but to me it sounds like the win is that you did something hard in order to spend time with people.  You did something really good for you. 

For me at least (I obviously can't say that it's true for other people), it's not actually dangerous when I check out like that.  I do actually know how to drive and can actually do it correctly if I take a deep breath and do what seems correct.  I'm kinda just overthinking it, if that makes sense.  I think it's that derealization that makes everything feel unfamiliar. But the code to do the right things is still in my brain. 

So maybe you're being a bit hard on yourself?