Can't stop thinking about the douche

[Contessa]

Yeah I only smoke very very occasionally, like once every couple of years. No need at the moment, i've taken up mediation recently and its is very calming. I look forward to doing it.

Loving...thinking...worrying... works for anything. When I notice i'm getting those feelings, I just say that sentence to myself. Whether its true on their end we'll never know, but there's no use wasting time hoping they feel guilty or what not. Helps me to move on. We're the only people we should be worrying about.

I've looked at a couple of videos yes, but not a 'how to'. Thank you for the Annabell Lee link, watched the first few minutes and it looks like a great recount of a first hand experience. Will finish it off in the morning. I'm at the stage though, where i'm moving on from researching to understand him, to exploring things I can do for myself. Its quite nice.

I'm going very well lately, thanks for asking. As I said above, focusing on myself. Have been very lucky, my relationship was not long term, but was very intense - I called him out on some things which led me to meet the real him earlier than usual possibly. Although he comes up in conversation at times with mutual acquaintances, its not a big deal.

Really need sleep now, sorry again if my answer seems abrupt. Sweet dreams all 

[Sienna]

Im so glad to hear that meditation is helping you Contessa!
Thats so great. I smoke and i know i need to stop

We are the only people we should be worrying about- yes!!

You are welcome for the link. She does speak about her own experience with narcs and her narc mother.
Thats great that you are now looking at what you can do for yourself.

I wouldnt say you have been lucky. Lucky maybe that it didnt last long but it was traumatic for sure for you i think from your writing. 

[Contessa]

Thank you. I used to have other things to do that were my outlet, and really calmed me well, but I have not been able to utilise them. Never thought i'd do meditation, it just wasn't me. But it is working, and maybe it will lead me to get back to those other things that I used to do.

Yeah lucky it didn't last long. But it was traumatic in that there were things that triggered me big time from it, that was unlucky. I was very angry with him for what he did, but I don't want to place blame on him any longer for what happened. He is no longer my concern or anything of significance, so its best to focus on what I can actually influence and improve. He is not it, so I don't care.

That said we have had a tiny bit of contact in the last day, and whether or not he can be clinically diagnosed as a narc, he definitely has traits. He wanted information from me. It really should be none of his concern, there was nothing in it from me to give any to him so I politely gave him none, and put the onus on him. He didn't pick up on my cues clearly, and then ended the conversation with a little passive aggressive retort. It was a tiny little over-evaluation, devaluation, discard cycle to a tea, because I gave no supply. There was not even a polite "wish you well" from him at all either. It would be nice if he could see how much of a jerk he is, but unfortunately he really does think he is a nice guy.