Victim Blaming/Shaming

[artemis23]

This post has been removed.

[mourningdove]

I'll have to come back to check out the video, but I just want to say now that I'm sorry you had such an upsetting experience with someone who should have known how to be supportive. You had every right to expect *actual* support in a setting like that, and they failed miserably.

I too have found that the very settings that are billed as safe spaces for traumatized people are often rife with the blame-the-victim mentality. It's disturbing.

You are not alone.

[radical]

This makes me angry.

Abusers abuse.  If they find they can't abuse you for any reason, they abuse someone else.

I work on myself - boundaries, self esteem, feeling entitled to respect etc., because I have experienced a number of abusive relationships, but that is a far cry from blaming myself for being abused.  It was because or prior abuse that I had poor boundaries, self esteem etc.

It's just world fallacy - People want to believe life is fair, particularly if life is going pretty well for them.  The desire to believe that people get what they deserve is downright cruel to those who are suffering and abused.  Also, people want to feel safe and imagine they have more power and control than they do.  Abuse busts that delusion wide open - their own abuse or someone else's. 

It is unconscionable for anyone to blame a vicitm for abuse to make themsleves feel better. It is a form of secondary victimisation.   In a therapy context, it's malpractice imo.

[Dutch Uncle]

  , these so-called helpful people... 
She really treated you badly.

[...] I stopped her and told her she was being offensive and blaming the victim, that she didn't know me or anything about how strong I am, and to stop. [...] I am so freaking SICK of mental health professionals and advocates projecting blame onto victims. I'm going to have to call them and tell them they cannot send her as my advocate, it's not ok.[...] The only characteristic one needs to be a victim of abuse is to have feelings and empathy. Period. I'm disgusted. I found this video and I feel like it illustrates this point well:
https://youtu.be/LDGQUm4MTAw

Yay, you go girl!    I hope they can find somebody else to join you, not a victim blamer.    I think it's an excellent plan to tell the organization about your experience and you don't need this. With a little luck there will be people there who agree with you.
I saw the video the other day, and was impressed by it as well. Here's another one that touches on the subject as well: Victim-Blaming - Abuse and Trauma Survivors. I think you'll find it validating too.

I can relate to your experiences. 

[mourningdove]

It's just world fallacy - People want to believe life is fair, particularly if life is going pretty well for them.  The desire to believe that people get what they deserve is downright cruel to those who are suffering and abused.

This