Today I feel ...... (Part 3)

[joyful]

I just want to be loved and held and for someone to hear of my silent pain and to stay with me through the loneliness and emptiness.

That is exactly what I'm feeling. No one understands or even really wants to listen to the messy side of me.... they don't get how much pain I'm in and I don't even know how to describe it. I just ache. I just want to go far away to a place where I don't hurt constantly.

[Sienna]

Joyful, that sounds awful.

That is exactly what I'm feeling. No one understands or even really wants to listen to the messy side of me.... they don't get how much pain I'm in and I don't even know how to describe it. I just ache. I just want to go far away to a place where I don't hurt constantly.

Im so sorry your in so much pain.
It sucks that people cant handle that part of you, and it must be awful when the pain wont stop.
I have heard it before as being described like an ache. Perhaps thats your child inside not having words for his/her pain. I know what it feels like to me, when i want the pain to stop, though its not constant and i don't think i fully feel it yet...but ..here with you.
Huge 

ps. and thank you - other people. The pain subsided pretty quickly and thankfully i don't feel it that much. I hope it stays that way.

[sanmagic7]

i don't think most people know what to do when someone is in emotional pain.  they can't put a band-aid on it, can't fix it, feel helpless and frustrated, don't like those feelings, so they avoid it as much as possible.  just my take on it.  only people who have experienced it know what it means, know that an ear and possibly a shoulder are what's needed most of the time.  a hug, someone who will just gather us in like we weren't gathered in and comforted and soothed as children. 

my earth mother self would gather in everyone in pain if it were possible.  glad to hear yours has subsided for a bit, sienna.  i hope you can enjoy it for as long as it lasts.

[joyful]

I'm sorry for posting on this thread so much...
Last night I got hit with some intense sadness, I don't know yet what caused it. And of course my first reaction us to ignore it and just forget the pain I'm actually in. This morning it's lingering plus chills and body aches and pounding head. I just want to crawl back in bed. I just feel heavy.

[sanmagic7]

no apologies necessary, joyful.  that's why it's here.

you're not getting sick, are you?  chills and body aches?  i hope not.

would that i could wrap you up in a snuggly warm blankie and make everything bad go away.

[joyful]

Thanks sanmagic.

[TwinCinema]

Today I feel anxious, scared, and isolated.
I didn't take my Lexapro or brush my teeth last night, so my mind is beating myself up over that, my self-abandonment turning into self-loathing.
All my friends are either busy with school or at an indie music festival I really wanted to go to but couldn't afford, so even if I felt like reaching out to others I currently can't talk to them.

Also, I'll avoid getting too political but I'm kinda terrified about this week's election.
I already voted and campaigned for my candidate of choice, but knowing that so much of the country is rooting for a certain reality-TV host whose platform promotes prejudice against gay people and Mexican-Americans (two groups I belong to) is terrifying.
It's launched me into the mental trap where I feel like everyone's "out to get me", even though rationally it's not the case.
My guess is it's partially a holdover from childhood trauma where my dad and so many of my classmates resented me.
I feel fragile even on my best, most serene days, so being reminded that it's still dangerous for me to exist hurts.

[sanmagic7]

today i feel sad that i let go of a longtime friend.

today i feel glad that i let go of a longtime friend(?)

today i feel more whole and clear about myself than i have in a long time.

today i feel hope that i will continue to heal, both physically and emotionally.

today i feel surrounded by love.  that's surprising!  but i can really feel it.  hallelujah!

[joyful]

like i'm about to drown in my sadness if i'd let myself.
so much pain. so much confusion.
let down
not good.

[Manchesterford]

Abandoned.  Today I feel small, like I've been left. Which I have but this is inner child stuff x

[Jdog]

I feel as though my loneliness can be as much a friend as it has been a problem in the past...

I feel less sorry for myself for not having much family....

I feel grateful for healing, and for a growing ability to learn self compassion.

[mourningdove]

 

[mourningdove]

Overwhelming feelings of impending doom. 

[radical]

That's the hardest.
I wish I could sit with you, if you wanted company.  It wouldn't take it away, I know, but you could say it out loud and be heard.

[sanmagic7]

today i feel like i'm disappearing from the inside out.  my body is crumbling,  i feel like i'm dying.