A Question About Dissociation

[summertimeflare]

Hello! I'm new to this website and a bit drowsy on pain meds from getting my wisdom teeth removed, so I'm going to apologize immediately if I'm doing anything wrong! I just have a curious question about dissociation.

You see, I've read a lot about dissociation- particularly depersonalization and derealization- because I worry that I suffer from small episodes of these. In particular, depersonalization almost as an emotional flashback, as I used to depersonalize/cut off my emotions during the time I was abused (then again, I can't quite remember much of that time). My question is about derealization, though.

Sometimes when I feel like I'm derealizing, it's not so much like everything is a "dream" or "movie" type of false-world, but more like a video game. In particular, I'm prone to feeling like the world is the last game I have played, especially if I have played it for a long time. The Sims is a good example of this: I seem to "see" the world from a 3rd person perspective in my mind, and "see"/feel the HUD of the game. My movements even adapt somewhat to the style of how the sims move- a bit more exaggerated and more avoidant of small things in my way. I even think in the actions the Sims can complete, and "see" the moodlets that appear from this. It's happened with other games as well, such as Mass Effect and Skyrim. I'm curious to know if anyone has had any similar experiences, and if this is actually derealization. Thoughts?

[Alice97]

First of all, welcome! And don't worry, you didn't say anything wrong

As someone who dissociates (both DP and DR) a LOT, I found your question very interesting. I do the same thing as what you described, only with movies, not games. I think it's part of our struggle with identity, or at least I think that's what it is for me. I don't really understand or feel in touch with myself in real life because I've spent so much time in a dissociative state, so it's much easier to create an identity within or similar to a virtual reality. I can't say if that's what is happening for you, but that has been my experience. Hope it helps in some way.