Simply glad not to be alone

[rrainee]

Hi everyone, I am new to this forum and grateful to have discovered it!

I was diagnosed with C-PTSD following an abusive relationship that ended about 4 years ago. Even though it has been 4 years, I still think about my abuser and his actions everyday and have struggled off and on with many of those bonuses that come with abusive relationships: self loathing, depression, anxiety, some days complete paralysis. I saw a terrific PTSD counselor for the first year after the relationship ended and she was wonderful and helped me get my life back (I started leaving my apartment again, got a new job, got it together enough to move to a new city). Unfortunately I haven't had insurance that includes mental health coverage for a while. I was ok for a few years and I was even starting to feel happy again, but now I'm slipping back into those hopeless feelings again. I think, partly because I am in the first good relationship I've had since the abuse and I'm terrified of how vulnerable that makes me.

I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to as most of my close friends don't understand C-PTSD and I don't have the energy to convince people, or to describe the abuse, even though time has passed. I have searched and searched for support groups in my area but can't find any that are affordable. I'm so glad to have found this forum, have started to read through it, and honestly have cried A LOT to see that there are other people who share my story.

Looking forward to learning from you all, thank you!

[radical]

You are not alone.  There are far too many of us, sadly.  Breaking the silence about abuse in a safe forum like this really helps.  Like you, when I started reading Out of the Fog, first, and then found Out of the Storm, I felt the most amazing sense of relief that my life hadn't been some sort of strange anomaly, but my experiences had been shared by many good people.

Welcome!

[mourningdove]

Welcome, rrainee! 

[Three Roses]

It's a great feeling to know there are people out there who can relate!

[featherfalling]

Welcome!  It is pretty awesome to find out that you're not alone.  As another new member, I can relate! 

[Kizzie]

Hi and a very warm welcome to OOTS rrainee   

Glad you found your way here as there's nothing like that feeling when you realize just how many people are going through what you are (unfortunately).

I'm not surprised that having a good relationship is bringing up some fear.  We were abandoned as children and when something feels good as an adult it brings up the possibility of going through those feelings again if the relationship doesn't work out. Makes a lot of sense that you would be feeling vulnerable and afraid.   

Hope you find some comfort, support and information here 

[LanaBanana]

Hi and welcome rrainee! 

I'm glad you found this website, you aren't alone here. I can relate a lot to your story, and I hope you find the help you're looking for here. Happy to have you as a member!