emotional flashbacks question

[caroline]

Hi, I'm struggling with understanding what is an emotional flashback or not.  A couple of weeks ago, I was feeling pretty stressed out and dis-regulated, and then later in the evening tried to explain something to my partner (who is very supportive and knows most of what I have been through and has never hurt me).  I couldn't think of the persons name I was trying to describe and got kind of stuck in my thoughts for a minute.  My partner said, in a nice way, come on then, who is it?  He was laughing at the time, as I had been minutes before.  When he said that and I failed to get the name i instantly started feeling very ashamed, embarrassed and hateful towards myself.  I started crying and really wanted to self harm (Have managed nearly 6 years without SH).  The things I was saying to myself were horrific and I felt so helpless and hateful towards myself.  All because I couldn't remember the name of a TV person.  This stuff scares me as when it happens it is so quick, and I don't even realise until much later when I think of what went on.  Usually i feel tired and worn out for a day or so after.  My partner has described it as an emotional hangover.  Very sensitive, scared, ashamed and very down in mood.  Sorry this is so long and maybe jumbled.  I am scared to post about this.  I don't know what this is and emotional flashback is as close as I have ever come to seeing a description of what it might be.   Thanks, Caroline x

[caroline]

Thanks for the reply and the description, i saw it when I first joined then couldn't find it again!

Sorry you are struggling with this as well. 

I'm glad it has a name, as it makes me feel less, well, mad!  Especially if it can be helped.  I've had this for so many years and always knew there was something not right, but it was so hard to describe to other people,  like a gp years ago said "well, everyone gets a little annoyed with themselves now and again" when i tried to talk about it, so i just thought i was making it into something bigger than it was and decided to shut up about it.

I'll have a look at that other link on there now.

Thanks again for the reply  x

[Kizzie]

Hi Caroline and welcome to OOTS     I see TBC has given you the link to the description of an EF and I agree, it helps knowing you are not mad!  It's a huge relief to know what's happening and why, but also scary not knowing what if anything to do about it.  Pete Walker who is a therapist in the US and has CPTSD himself has a resource that you may find helpful - http://pete-walker.com/flashbackManagement.htm.    Also, if you use the "Search" function it will take you to various threads in which members discuss EFs.   

[Talisien]

Hey there  I get Flashbacks all the time and they can vary from a sudden powerful emotion or a full scale re-experiencing a complete scenario in vivid emotional replay. They can be triggered by anything and most often I don't know what triggers them. I do know that perceived bullying triggers so many feelings from anger to helplessness.

Hope this helps. You are not the only one. 

[caroline]

Hi Caroline and welcome to OOTS     I see TBC has given you the link to the description of an EF and I agree, it helps knowing you are not mad!  It's a huge relief to know what's happening and why, but also scary not knowing what if anything to do about it.  Pete Walker who is a therapist in the US and has CPTSD himself has a resource that you may find helpful - http://pete-walker.com/flashbackManagement.htm.    Also, if you use the "Search" function it will take you to various threads in which members discuss EFs.   

Thanks for the reply Kizzie!  I seem to keep coming back to this Pete Walker guy!  I have found a good bit of relief just finding this forum.  I seem to keep coming back to the name Pete Walker, so I'm guessing he is the main guy in all of this type of thing?  I have since searched and read a few posts, i think it will take me a while as i get a bit 'floaty' after reading more than a couple at a time - hopefully now i am starting to deal with this head on it will get easier!

Thanks so much for the reply/support! x

[caroline]

Hey there  I get Flashbacks all the time and they can vary from a sudden powerful emotion or a full scale re-experiencing a complete scenario in vivid emotional replay. They can be triggered by anything and most often I don't know what triggers them. I do know that perceived bullying triggers so many feelings from anger to helplessness.

Hope this helps. You are not the only one. 

Hey Talisien, thank you for taking the time to reply!  So sorry you are suffering with the flashbacks.  I think I am finding it easier to spot the EF's now that I have a name for them (Bloody *, I'm even using the shorthand now!).  It might be well after the fact, but at least it is being named.  You have said that bullying triggers you.  I thought about that and i think that any kind of thing where I might be embarrassed or 'on show' or judged is the main reasons for me to get into that kind of EF.  I have a diagnosis of social anxiety - now wondering if it is all about the EF's!

Much food for thought!  Thanks so much for the comments x

[caroline]

Hey TBC, I'm sorry you felt you had to take down your reply, it was really helpful to me and I hope you are being compassionate with/to yourself.  Thank you so much for sharing with me and sure we will chat soon on other threads! x