Emotionally Abusive Words From My Father *Trigger Warning*

[ContemplativeLady]

Young Daughter,

- "You ruined my second childhood by not being interested in skiing, hockey, or golf. Why are you so selfish?"
- "Here is the birthday present I got you... you do realize getting presents means you're spoiled rotten, right? You did nothing to deserve this."
- "If you made your bed more often your Mom wouldn't cry all the time. Why don't you care about her? You are the reason she hurts." (Mom was being abused at work, but I didn't know until many years later)
- "You are so lazy even I don't think you will ever get a job."
- "You are meant to be seen, not heard."
- "Was I talking to you? No? Then leave me alone."
- "I paid for your Halloween costume, so I get half of your candy."
- "New rule while Mom is away. If you are a bad daughter, you will not get supper."
- "You are too old to know what back pain feels like. Should I break your neck? Then you will know what pain feels like." (I found out in adulthood that I have acute scoliosis)
- "The reason adults have children is to make them slaves so we don't have to do chores anymore. Now go do the family's laundry."
- "Why didn't you put a pop in the fridge for me while I was at work? You knew I would want one and now I have to wait"
- "I have no idea why anyone wants to be your friend. Don't they hate your crying as much as I do?"
- "Stop asking to come along with me. Don't you realize I go on car rides to get away from you?"
- "I don't want to see you hanging out with people that are poor. Our family is above them." (I did not follow this 'advice')
- "Whenever you don't finish your food, you are telling people in Africa that you are fine with them starving."
- "I know you don't like talking to your own father, so I'll just tell Mom to tell you when you do something wrong."
- "Whenever you go to your friend's house for a sleepover, you stress out your mother. Why are you so selfish?"
- "When I was your age, life was much harder, and you didn't see me complaining about stupid things"
- "Don't you ever let me catch you napping again. You are too young to be tired."
- "We should not be paying you allowance, you should be paying us rent" (I was only 12 years of age)
- "I am the adult, you are the child. I am always right. You are too stupid to know what you want. Trust me..."

... So I did.

[Dutch Uncle]

Oh dear... That's horrific. 

I feel your pain, dear ContemplativeLady.

[ContemplativeLady]

Struggling to think of my dad in a negative light, but I've got to, to fully understand why I'm so emotionally done in.

I connected with this so much. It is so, so challenging to stop using the excuse "But he's my Dad" to let him get away with things that no one else could. I want to believe he was saying everything to me out of love, because that's what fathers do. Accepting that this man did not respect his own daughter is almost impossible for me to wrap my head around. But I have to.

[ContemplativeLady]

I am doing alright. I have a very loving husband who takes the time to make sure I get through the rough patches. Thankfully, this past week I've been in a good mood, most likely due to the warmer weather.