Just realized I have CPTSD

[pepsinutt]

Hello all, I was doing research for a project at work and came across an article about CPTSD. The bottom just about fell out as I saw myself in the symptoms I was reading. The diagnosis was confirmed by my counselor. I am sort of in shock but sort of relieved that I finally have a name for the * i have been living in.  Like some of us, i was abused as a child, but my abuse came not from my family but my peers. I just never realized how deeply I was hurt. The overwhelming rage I feel, the hopelessness that I will ever "be normal" like everyone else is crippling.  I am glad I came across this website. At least now I know i am not alone.  Thank you for letting me voice my story. I would appreciate any advice for where to go from here. Thanks.

[TakePainsBePerfect]

Hi pepsinutt,

Welcome to the forum. I've been abused by my peers too. People can be cruel.

I think it's great you're looking for answers; I was much more of a mess before my diagnosis. Some psychiatrist I dated speculated that I may have Borderline Personality Disorder. I also had some pretty extreme instances of hypervigilance; at the time I thought it was paranoia. I thought I was losing my mind and so figured the highly stressful experience at drama school that left me with shingles must have triggered the onset of some psychiatric illness. I thought it was bipolar or schizoaffective disorder, particularly as I study psychology and it turns out the Medical Students' Disorder also applies to psychology students. In hindsight I think my reasoning was coloured by the feeling that BPD doesn't describe the person that I am and I wanted to find a diagnosis that resonated with me. I was eventually admitted to a psychiatric hospital and diagnosed with CPTSD (although the psychiatrist agreed that I may also have Bipolar II and that we didn't have enough information available to confirm or rule out the disorder; that's for the future to reveal).

What I hope you take from my story is the importance of a thorough diagnosis by a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist. While you are the absolute best judge of what trauma and injury you have sustained in your life, the actual diagnosis can be tricky. I think your next step would be to consult a psychiatrist. Even if you end up with a different diagnosis, or no diagnosis at all, if your experience of the world resemble that of a CPTSD patient, please continue to feel welcome in this forum if you find it helpful.

I'm glad you have a counsellor you are comfortable talking things through with and I hope you continue to seek support and work towards minimising distress.

All the best