Help me understand PTSD? Emotional Neglect? Attachment theory?

[Worlpool]

Hello everyone. I just found this forum wondering if perhaps someone could help me with some tips.

I have recently began a process to catch up with my past and I'm trying to figure out:
1. what happened to me
2. what I can do about it

I've read 2 books so far:
The body keeps the score by bessel van der kolk about trauma
Emotional Neglect by Jonis web about, you guessed it, emotional neglect

It seems that what fits me most is emotional neglect from several years of abandonment.

Key symptoms:
1. Feeling like I have emotional wounds, when I get in contact with them I cry, a lot
2. Having a hard time depending
3. Problem opening up to others / Show my real self

My story:

My childhood as i remember it was good. My parents loved me and still love me enormously and I love them. The problems began I believe somewhere around 10 but really started when i was about 13. I've found a lot of info about the earliest years but not about problems occurring in these years. (anyone got any books or other resources about emotional neglect during this period? 13-20) My dad worked very hard to keep the family running. He himself was emotionally neglected (all focus on his sister). My mom is special. She loves us children but have been very centered on herself without knowing it. Putting her needs first. She have also always been lonely with very little friends.

My parets divorced when I was 13 and then went back together, separated etc. for a couple of years then stayed separated from when I was about 15-16. When I was 15 my dad burned out(not sure if thats the correct english term). And then started drinking and being on antidepressants for about 4 yeas from 15-19 or something. From I was 13 I have not been able to rely on anyone. But I have never been abused in any way. I have had no one to turn to for about 7 years of my life. My dad have been sick and unable to take care of us and my mom have not been able to take care of us after our childhood. Instead of being taken care of I had to support my mom who was all alone(moved in with her for her sake) and tried to help my dad to recover from his alcoholism. During this period I put up a wall for everyone, I didn't tell anyone and just kept pushing basically to survive. No one in my environment could have known as Im an expert in having a wall. As well as having a great time in school, especially highschool, I enjoyed my self in school.

Right now I'm researching to find the right therapist and trying to find more resources about what happened to me and how to resolve it.

Does anyone have a similar experience?
Does anyone have other tips of sources which can explain what happened better than emotional neglect?
Does anyone have resources about teenage emotional neglect (from 13-20 not 0-10 years of age)?
Does anyone have tips of how to recover?

Thank you so much if you read it all.

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi Worlpool 

Welcome to Out of the Storm! It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of issues and glad you found us.

You already found our section on neglect and abandonment, so this is the place where we have gathered our knowledge and resources on this particular aspect of causes for cPTSD. I assume you already have checked out the sticky thread on top.

In the cPTSD Glossary you may find a lot that may resonate with your experiences. A few highlights to start your journey with:
On cPTSD
On Boundaries
There's also this definition of Childhood Abuse and Neglect

Childhood abuse and neglect refers to emotional/sexual abuse/physical abuse perpetrated when a person is a child or teen. Underlying all forms of childhood abuse and neglect is emotional abuse and ultimately emotional abandonment of children. That is, children do not receive the love, support, guidance and safety they need from parents/caregivers during their developmental years and essentially are left emotionally to fend for themselves. When childhood abuse and neglect is repeated or ongoing it can lead to developmental arrests and CPTSD that carries into adulthood.

One that may relate to your personal experience is: Parentification.

Welcome again, I hope and wish this place and community will give you comfort and be of aid on your journey through (re)discovering what neglect you have experienced. Our Guidelines for All Members and Guests may help you in keeping this a safe environment for you and to get an idea of the community we create with each other.


Dutch Uncle.