Shame-based personality, is it related to C-PTSD?

[Sesame]

I read about shame-based personalities recently.

http://onlinecounsellingcollege.tumblr.com/post/135140958736/understanding-a-shame-based-personality

I was surprised to find I could relate to this so much that I have every trait on the list (some I have worked through more than others, but I started out with all of them 100%). I almost cried reading it. Can anyone else relate? Do you think having a shame-based personality is linked to C-PTSD? Has anyone else had these traits and successfully reduced them or got rid of them altogether? I wish I could be less afraid of others' judgement of me.

[tired]

Oh god I want to cry too now

Yeah I have them all and after all the therapy I've gone through I haven't changed. The problem is that the shame prevents therapy from progressing.  I can't talk about anything or admit things or listen to feedback.

shame is the only thing I have that "keeps me in line " because I'm a terrible person and without shame i would be worse. That's the line of thought that keeps me here in *.

[woodsgnome]

I too feel like a full-time resident of "shame college" but it would be nice to "graduate" someday.

For my first 20 years, the f, the m, all the teachers at awful religious schools (everyone--even the bus drivers, etc), shame may as well have been my name. I'm still shocked when I realize how deep it was; how endemic and mindless. For sure it's cptsd inducing.

Performance anxiety is the only area I've had much luck with. For years I was a "living history" actor, a role I fell into; but once there, found out I was good and it became a specialty of mine in which I achieved lots of recognition. Which is alright, but once the role is over, it's lights out and I'm gone, back to my shame memories and my urge to hide away from it all again.

Even in my success with performance, I recognize my tendency to obsess over the tiniest flaws in the "how did I do" category. Others were amazed, too, at how much unneeded stress I put on myself and how I'd put myself down. It was like I hated myself, so even in something I was so good at I'd beat myself up over it. 

Thanks for posting this, Sesame. On a related note, is it any wonder that so many cptsd survivors seem so introverted? It was the only available survival tool we could find. Nothing inherently wrong with that, but of course the trap is finding a reasonable level of everyday functioning. Sometimes I find it hard to call a store and ask what hours they're open, as I'm that afraid of judgements--even from strangers.

[Laynelove]

I read the book 'healing the shame that binds you' by john Bradshaw. I'm also doing schema therapy and I listen to some hypnosis tracks by lisa a romano and the spartan life coach.

I'm starting to notice a difference, I've been doing these things since September.

The other day I told a romantic interest I had feelings for him. I have NEVER done this before and I'm 27yo. He didn't share the same feelings, but for the first time ever I don't feel ashamed for being 'rejected'. I barely even see it as rejection. I feel so proud of myself for telling a person how I feel, that his reaction didn't bother me. I mean, I'd rather he like me back but there was no inner critic, no berating myself and no shameful feeling. Plus he didn't humiliate me, he appreciated my honesty.

Doing the activities is key. You must do them daily and you must be relentless. Use some aggression towards your recovery. If you are persistent you'll get there! It's a work in progress for me but it's the best thing I've ever done. I don't know to what degree I'll recover but it's better then the way I was living before.

If there is anything I've learnt on this journey it is this:

I needed to hear from someone that it is possible to recover before I started making any effort. I literally wasted 6 years of my life doing this. Just because recovery stories aren't readily available doesn't mean there aren't any.  Many therapists I've been to in the past don't like labels. It's very possible that there are people out there who have healed shame, recovered from narcissistic abuse, co dependency etc. without ever knowing the name of the 'illness' they were suffering. Don't wait for a recovery story, BE the recovery story. I beleive in you.good luck! You have so much support here!

[samantha19]

Yep! Relate to this so much
I recognise all of those things in a friend of mines too. I know her mother was very verbally abusive and I don't know what else at times but she's more shame based than even me, I think. Which is really sad.

At least we're all seeking help here and we know on some level that we deserve better. None of you deserve to feel ashamed and I hope you get to a place eventually where you feel content and good enough for most of the time.
Just because you feel shameful does not mean that you are. <3