Emotional numbing for me

[Muds2000]

Seeing a therapist for 2 months . Just diagnosed with Complex ptsd . Confused about emotional numbing ( avoidance ) . Only realized it's different / individual to each person . I'd like to share how this is for me and would welcome feedback on how this affects others . During the second week of sessions , my therapist asked me " What does love feel like ? " Completely stumped , I didn't know what the * she was on about . I never realized that with emotions there are feelings . It turns out I've blocked feelings since childhood . When I try to concentrate on " feeling " , the only thing I sense is my heart pumping . I shake , tremor and tremble , my fight or flight response . Turns out my brain kicks in , decides to sort out emotions  , without feelings , and does a god awful job of it . It cross's wires along the way . Any emotion sad , happy , scared makes me tremble . Severity of the tremble depends on the emotion . Before seeing the therapist I thought I was constantly depressed and paranoid , turns out not to be true . All bloody exhausting !!!!!FINALLY  , after quite a long time , I now know what's going on . A blessed relief . OK it's thrown up more than expected . But now I've a starting point .

[EmoVulcan]

Hi Muds2000, 
I am fairly new here, too.  This is the place to share!  Everyone here is learning from each other.  There are links and references to the gathering body of knowledge in the psych/med fields. There are these forums where you can search threads, or post a question, or share you experiences.  Someone will get you to the right place, or answer your question, if able.  The people are friendly and all somewhere on a path to recovery that is maybe not yet clear, but this is hope that it is becoming clearer.
So welcome! Nice to meet you! 

[seriousann333]

I was emotionally numb for most of my life. I'm 38 now. Emotions were there but faint. I felt the trembling shakes when emotionally triggered. However I didn't know I was triggered. I had been this way so long, I didn't know how else to be. I now can feel more after being in therepy for 4 yrs on and off. Emotions now are really intense. It can be overwhelmin, yet somehow I get through it. All I can say is that therapy can bring up a lot of emotions. Over time for me it got easier and now I feel like I'm living more authentically. I wish you well on your journey.

[wednesday]

when i was first asked about feelings it stumped me to...i made small flash cards for myself with different emotions on each one..when my heart started racing i would go through the cards to try and identify just what i was feeling, it helped me to begin to recognize feelings.

[Boatsetsailrose]

I can relate ! The first time I went into therapy I realised a big disconnection split in me between me and feeling
No small wonder as a defence protection mechanism

Then I proceeded to use alcohol / food / narcotics / cigarettes / sex/ spending / co dependence / and of course symptoms of c PTSD as a given were there to numb out feeling
Happy to report I don't use any of those things today

I have just today my first day of being anti dep free too - so am officially here in life present with all feeling ( I think and I feel ready and hopeful

Quote 'tremor and tremble '
Yes I can relate to that ! I have come to realise just how sensitive and hyper aroused I am -'with this knowledge I can choose what I need to self care - I've learnt people are main trigger ESP loud lack of boundaried people and am learning to relate and keep safe

Quote 'after quite a long time I know what's going on '
Yes the journey of learning emotional intelligence I find is wonderful - am learning to be in my body more - working with the breath, and accepting all my feelings and working to not see them as good and bad black and white but all welcome
Feelings pass
Action can still happen
Feelings aren't facts
The mind is powerful