Wishcraft: An Experimental "Prayer"

[woodsgnome]

I've had huge problems with religion. For years the very word was a trigger for me that unleashed countless EF's no matter the context in which I heard the word. I've also seen a lot of people who seem comforted by it, who like its ritual, prayers, etc. and I've learned to accept their own legit take on why they value it. Just not my gig, as I could never get the personal injuries I endured in the name of religion untangled enough to ever consider it.

Religion is probably alright, for many people, and it's a great academic study for understanding human history, but I can never overcome my abuse from religious people enough to consider it as a meaningful part of my life.

Once, someone who knows a tad about my past remarked that I probably didn't pray. They were right, although I consider wishes (wishcraft!) the same thing, just without a deity's name attached. The names, especially the g-name, are huge triggers, so I do all to steer clear of them, though I'm okay if others find it useful (took me a long time to get to even that level of tolerance, though).

The idea of prayer, even using a deity's name (without expletives like I usually do!), was nonetheless intriguing. What would such a prayer sound like? Which deity should I talk up? My prayer project took a long time, for all the trigger/EF reasons already mentioned, but one day I just decided to suspend all judgment, resist the triggers, and see what I'd come up with.

This the only prayer I have, or probably ever will, that addresses a deity. I'll stick with wishcraft for the most part. Anyway, here's the "prayer" I came up with...I call it my Inner Child Prayer:

An experimental prayer...to a stand-up comic called Jesus...

Jesus, I've heard stories about deeds and tales attributed to someone bearing your name. So they say. But I'm still confused.

The first people I knew who used your name and praised you endlessly---umm, were they on the level? Because if they were, and they were your servants, then you must be one really mean dude.

Later, I ran into others who portray you as a person (or divinity even!) of good will who loved clowning around, and who had a repertoire of witty stories called parables by which you were said to nudge people towards greater truths.

So who, indeed, are you—the mean guy or the witty bloke? Frankly, I've given up searching for you, but don't take it personally, as I've given up all gurus, masters, teachers, techniques or methods designed to make us feel better, supposedly. Well, hang on, though--I have to admit I've always felt like I had an inner fool/jester traveling with me.

Whoa! Umm, maybe that's where you hang out, too, who you are...? So maybe your other name is the inner christ? Or buddha? Inner self, inner light, inner soul, whatever the clever words are? I like the name sacred clown, for reasons of my own, actually. Ah, names are just more words, admittedly; but if you indeed were wanting a disguise, what's better than to don one of those inner ones? Sounds like a fun take on hide-and-seek.

Who'd ever think to look for you inside? Maybe what's called soul-searching doesn't involve elaborate rituals or even those hard-to-read scriptures, even; but whatever, it all makes for a fun ride, full of potential twists and plots—people do love mysteries, after all.

And, if there's a divine plan already in place, why was creativity included as part of the package that humans ended up with? I mean, we're not supposed to think on our own, either? Then why allow it, if it's so bad? Who says? Do you really want to spoil the fun of allowing some free thoughts to float in? I bet you might even enjoy it.

So thanks for riding along, if you're really the inner sort I suspect. And no, I won't tell anyone, not a soul, if you follow my drift. Even if I don't know you, I can know myself, and if you're hiding...shhhh; even I don't want to really know. Surely one of those Truth people will set me right, ya think? No? Glad you agree.

Hey, nice visiting, whoever you are. I've got a life to live, so I'll be off now. Bye.

[Dutch Uncle]

Witty  .
And pretty.

Nice one, woodsgnome.

[arpy1]

thanks for posting that.  it's weird, WsG , but i think i  get that 'inside' thingy. or at least it speaks to me.   i have dispensed with everything of the religiosity that i spent decades being abused by even tho i did my level best to get it right.  (what remain of my prayers these days seem go along the lines of 'what the f.... are you playing at, god, are you having a laugh??' but what you said about looking  inside resonates. becos there is always that little tiny nugget of something inside me that won't go away. call it my spirit, god's, just a bit of my human soul. i don't know and i don't even have the energy to care any more. i like the idea of the inner jester tho', yes, that fits my sense of irony.

reminds me of that story about the burning bush when moses (the big lunk, but then i wouln't know what to say if a bush started talking either) he goes something like, 'oh, er, hi, what's your name?'.  but the bush (god) just says 'I am'.    no name, no info, like 'oh, hi, i'm God/Jehova/whatever and i live just up there in heaven etc.'     so even god doesn't give himself a name.     funny how quick humans are to have to put a name to something. gets it nicely under control, probably, and turns it into currency.

i makes me wonder if giving him a name, a gender, and a personality in our own image, is all designed to obfuscate that inside bit. so maybe my inside bit is still valid, then. i wonder???  reminds me of a book i read a few years ago by this monk, can't recall his name, who used to talk about the 'I-Am within i-am'.

it's indescribably sad to me that that's all i have left of a faith that meant so much to me it was my life.  but i am never going to be a liar or a hypocrite if i can help it. if that means i have lost it for good, so be it. at least it's honest.

[woodsgnome]

Quote arpy1:

"it makes me wonder if giving him a name, a gender, and a personality in our own image, is all designed to obfuscate that inside bit. so maybe my inside bit is still valid, then. i wonder???"

Well, I was looking over a fav author (Stephen Levine) who probably said it better than the "prayer" did, so I'll let him speak:

"What is your true nature?

All that we have experienced in life has changed. Every thought, feeling, sensation, love making, doubt, argument, every breath had had a beginning, middle, and end. The body changes. The mind changes. All has been a fleeting momentary experience except one--the 'uh' of being. The sense of presence by which we suspect we exist.

"Look into your own experience. Look directly. Does 'uh' have a beginning and an end? Or is it a sense of unending suchness, deathless, ageless?

"Since the moment we became aware we were aware, there has been an underlying hum of being. Indescribable but directly experienceable.

"Does 'uh' take birth? Does it take death? Or is it the ocean, from which these waves are born? And into which each subsides."

For what it's worth, I guess...maybe nothing, and maybe that's it, that inner being--and nothingness leads to everything. Long live the 'uh', I guess.

That monk you mentioned. Wonder if he's Francis Bennett? Definitely an ex-monk, but his book had that exact title.

'Uh'   

[arpy1]

i like that, the 'uh'. that's it exactly.

i have this memory of what i believe to be when i was in the womb.  just a burgeoning of awareness. no thoughts, no sensations, just awareness. and at the same time, that awareness was of always having been...a connection with, like,  'other' but like eternalness too. can't really put words to it, but that quote brought it to mind .

just remembered. the hebrew word 'i am' in that story is interesting, becos it carries this sense:  "i have always been being, i am always being, i will always be being"....(hebrew scholars will probably want to shoot me but that's the best i can recall it)

anyway it ties up with your Levine quote. isn't that lovely?

i'll try and dig out the book and let you know who the chappie was.

i have been feeling like faith is just one more thing that got stolen from me. that is so scary and painful. this little exchange today has helped. so thank you   

[tired]

Self-discovery (the point of living, in my opinion) has to be open ended and limitless otherwise it's pointless.  Religion can often put a stopping point to that process.  Faith is open ended, it is like saying "you don't have all the answers now but they are out there".  The religion of my parents says "faith means you don't have the answers and you never will and you don't need to".  It's saying don't bother thinking, just do what we say. It treats people like children, which is comforting but limiting.  You tell a child, trust me, just do this and that and it will be ok and don't question everything because you can't understand.  (My parents still say that to me, and say that God has told them the truth directly and they are relaying it).  No one should tell me, a grown adult, that I can't comprehend everything.  It may be true but to say it allows me to stop trying at some arbitrary point which I am prone to do when I'm depressed.

[arpy1]

yes, and the minute you stop trying to see further than your limited horizons, you stop going forward to explore. then you stagnate and become hidebound, trapped in what you think  you  know for certain. then you're lost becos 'certainty' is a false security that precludes growth.