Telling others about C-PTSD

[Dyess]

What has been your experience on telling others that you have PTSD or C-PTSD? I have gotten reactions of laughing to , snickers, to some asking me if I'm being truthful. It's hurts when people react that way. I think most think if you have been a combat veteran that PTSD can not possibly be experienced by a civilian. I am a veteran, but did not spend anytime in combat. I'm thinking it's best to just keep this to myself and just say I have depression, something they may understand.

[mourningdove]

I try not to mention it at all because I just don't want to have to deal with all that invalidation from ignorant people. Interestingly to me, I once told a combat veteran (and PTSD sufferer) and she was very supportive.

[Dyess]

I guess it really depends on the level of education about the topic. But when you say depression, they look at you like "aren't you over that yet?" Soooooooo my advice, for myself included, is just keep it to yourself. Not like we haven't been doing that for years anyway, eh?

[woodsgnome]

When I've tried to reach out or describe this, the usual reactions run along lines of "we-don't-want-to-know-or-go-there." You're treated as being weak, stupid, or negative. Another barely disguised put-down goes "oh but you seem pretty together". They might as well add, "we thought you were one of us," setting you up for a round of knowing looks as they shuffle you down to the next category of desirability.

Recently a person I sincerely trusted blew it all back at me. I guess the good news is I wasn't devastated, just very hurt. But it has again shot my instinct to want to trust, something I've tried so hard for. I get the message that I should reach out more, and it always seems to shatter anyway.

Mostly I just learn to hush up. I'm already used to being lonely, nothing new there. Just so awfully disappointing,  another closed loop of hurt. What's the point of reaching out when something important to you is considered taboo?

It just sucks that on top of that, the only person you feel "allowed" to discuss it with is someone called a therapist or counselor, and you have to pay them to listen, let alone understand. 

[Dutch Uncle]

I've not told anybody (I think) that I suspect CPTSD might be involved with my 'problems'. I once mentioned it to the Psych that took the SCID-II test (on me having a PD or not), and she didn't even know what Cptsd was. I don't blame her by the way, her speciality was anxiety-related treatments. I can't expect my dentist to know anything about my digestive tract either.
And CPTSD is a relative new 'phenomenon' as well, as far as I have understood.

But in a similar vein as you describe, I have met with unbelief about my mom's (and sis's) uHPD, the divorce of my parents at the ripe age of their pensioning, my 'burn-out', my depression or even my mourning over my job-loss due to newly implemented 'standards' which meant that as the autodidact that I am I had to get a Masters-degree (!) in order to even be allowed to keep doing what I did.

So, I've come to the conclusion that it simply is a very basic human trait to avoid sensitive issues like those I mentioned.
And to be honest: I know I do it myself as well. It does depend on the friendship, the closeness, the duration etc. If I look back now on my life (I'm around 50), I know of quite a few instances where I avoided people with drugs-misuse/addictions, eating disorders, gender-issues, religious fanatics (a Jesus reincarnate with a disciple), school dropouts...
On the other hand I've supported much closer friends with: alcoholism, marital problems, extra-marital affairs, relationship break-ups, depression, bi-polarity, homelessness, job loss, death of parents, financial mishap etc...

And mind you, some of the latter group didn't return the favor when I had my issues...
And then a stranger/vague acquaintance turns up who suddenly is all ears and support.

It's a strange world.

But yeah, it's always a disappointment to get the reactions you described. And especially when it's closet or open ridicule, that's so hard to take.
So I'm always careful who and when to say what, as the disillusion is always just a small step away. And now and then I'm pleasantly surprised, and I get help from unexpected 'resources'.
I couldn't have come this far without them.

[Dutch Uncle]

Oh, and I wanted to add:

Sometimes I'm simply to 'busy' with my own issues, I simply can't take in anyone else's 'issues'. And I mean that's not even a conscious decision (meaning it's not a deliberate, well thought out equation that brings me to that 'resolve') , but a subconscious one (I think). My processor is already working overtime, I simply can't process more.
I don't think I laugh at people at those times though, or ridicule them.


And I know (well: think) for sure that the inability of my friends to offer support when my parents divorced at such a late age, was due to the fact that my parents refused to talk about it with me (nor their other children) so I was completely in the dark about it all, so what COULD I tell my friends? Nothing, since I didn't know anything myself. So what could they have helped me with? I was clueless myself. *, I couldn't even talk with my siblings about it, only about the fact that we were so horribly left out... Now that is a subject with a quick expire date...

[Kizzie]

I told a cousin who revealed to me that her F had molested her as a child, thinking I would be safe and well received.  Not so much!  She loves my covert NPDM and since telling her I have not heard much if anything from her although I know my M has. She is one of my M's "good" or honorary daughters (my M has several), so I guess she does not want to give up her place in the Flying Monkey cadre.  Blah     

I suspect we're one of the remaining few populations that are still pretty much in the closet so to speak.  Maybe we need a celebrity poster child. I've been watching "I am Cait" which is about Bruce Jenner transitioning from male to female, and the power of a well known person going through something big like that to raise awareness is tremendous.   

[Dyess]

We are a closet group and we share what we are comfortable with sharing. It's easier to talk to strangers than it is friends and family for many reason I expect. 1. Who are the strangers go to tell about you, that matters. 2. many have traveled a similar road and understand. 3. We all are looking for answers and I don't think that ever stops. My GP was so concerned when I told her that I didn't talk to friends and family about what was going on with me.
She also asked the question would I call F or F if I were in crisis (suicidal) and I said no. She teared up and called my T, who talked to me and understood what I was saying. What made the GP ask this is our prior conversation was about how many suicides I have seen or been a part of in some way due to my jobs. All of them took a little piece of me. I felt bad for the person that made that choice, but until I was on the otherside, I had not idea what kind of impact it had on the ones left behind. I know now. If there was anything good that came out of that, it's that understanding I now have for the ones left behind. Not something I would wish on anyone.

[Dutch Uncle]

I suspect we're one of the remaining few populations that are still pretty much in the closet so to speak.

I agree.
The first family member I went deliberately LC with was my sister. MC didn't help much in that period, and after she blatantly blackmailed me ('upped the ante', so to speak) she became the first (and so far only) one I went NC with. I told the rest of the FOO I did so (As a statement, no JADE-ing (apart from the message I did so because she had blackmailed me)). She firmly wanted to keep me in the closet. I even thought of it in those terms, partly inspired by the knowledge she had come out of the closet as gay. (Which was a huge Drama that my uHPD mom dwelled on for years on end, but that's another story altogether. I think I already wrote on that, but it could be that was on OOTF). I did see the irony that she had 'the right to be gay' (and rightfully so!), but I had no right to be me. 

[Cuthberta]

I usually just say PTSD if anyone asks, but normally I don't say anything unless they ask. Very often (practically always, in fact) the next question is, 'What happened to you?'

I don't mind them asking, because at least it shows that people recognise this as an injury rather than something intrinsic, but I never tell them the answer. (I don't know myself, so I can't!) I usually say, 'It is very complicated, and it was a long time ago.'

If I said it was more about what did not happen I don't think anyone would understand unless they had been there.

There are a very few people who know I have DID, but not many. I am not ashamed of it, but the understanding of this condition is so low that I think it would frighten people too much if I tried to explain. So I don't.

[Cocobird]

I've told a few close friends, but mostly I don't talk about it.

I told my adult daughter, who didn't understand at all. Whenever I mention anything, she changes the subject. I just don't talk to her about it anymore, but we were always close and now there is this huge barrier. Our conversations have become mostly superficial. Her dad committed suicide, and I think she depends on me to be the 'stable' parent, so she feels threatened.

[Dyess]

Well you can talk to us here if you need to. Do whatever it takes to make your daughter feel safe.

[arpy1]

this is an interesting thread.  i told my GP that i think that is what i have, and he agrees but also agrees that i don't want it on my medical notes, where he just leaves it as 'depression'.

in the medical/therapeutic community it still a problematic 'diagnosis' and will remain so, i think, even here in the UK, till the DSM finally decides it warrants individual diagnotic 'status'. that will be at least another few years seeing as how they bottled out of including it in this year's due to 'lack of research'... lots of us got quite angry about that. 

if i say anything to people i generally say 'ptsd' and that's enuf frankly, to put off most further enquiries. we Brits are still not so good at 'intruding' about potentially embarrassing private things.

it seems to me that despite all the social changes of the last few centuries, humans are still basically tribal creatures.  i still reckon that we, like many people who suffer with mental health, are a minority group, a sub-culture, in the same way that my husband's physical disability put our family firmly into the disabled subculture. becos ultimately we are different, we struggle with things most others take for granted. becos we see life differently. becos of all sorts of reasons. we are in so many respects, 'Other'. we are different from the rest of the Tribe. which makes for uncomfortable social interaction with us.

[Trees]

it seems to me that despite all the social changes of the last few centuries, humans are still basically tribal creatures.  i still reckon that we, like many people who suffer with mental health, are a minority group, a sub-culture, in the same way that my husband's physical disability put our family firmly into the disabled subculture. becos ultimately we are different, we struggle with things most others take for granted. becos we see life differently. becos of all sorts of reasons. we are in so many respects, 'Other'. we are different from the rest of the Tribe. which makes for uncomfortable social interaction with us.

yes, I agree. 

For me, the way I was raised to feel, being different from the "norm" is a source of shame.  Of course, I don't believe the shame is deserved.  So for me, digging out from that shame is something I have to keep working at.

Actually, being part of a sub-culture, being here on this site, is a big step forward.  Because previously in my mind I was a sub-culture of one, totally alone in a sea of "normies" and closeted "others".

[tired]

I only told one person who is a vet.  I am not a vet, but it occured to me that someone like him would understand me without a lot of explanations. I was right.

Other people, no. Not worth it.