Hi

[Sunnidayrain]

Hi,
im new here. Trauma past, present, but also future.... since I adopted 3 kids with severe mental health issues..
  Never had a word for it until recently.
Symptoms so bad debilitating.  Cant concentrate or focus on anything except some conversation or hypergocusing on an active hands on project.. having trouble just being able to write this. Long term visual Memory is gone totally. Short term memory shot...
so completely disorganized andfeel so stupid.. was diagnosed bipolar and adhd and ptsd... but I dont think so, dont have symptoms.  long term therapist says no... you have c ptsd.. and I researched.. bingo!! Yep.. anyways.. I hope to read more. I feel like an * because I cant focus long enough to read and respond appropriately.   I think this lamictal made it worse.. never so bad until a few months ago...
Im sorry.  I want to get it together.
   

[Indigochild]

Welcome Sunnidayrain

There is absolutely no need to be sorry!
We are all very accepting here, you are not alone, and being accepted just as you are is what you deserve.

Sounds like disasociation- not remembering past or short term memories. Maybe amnesia.
If you are able to tackle your past, you will awaken naturally, and thus will be more able to effect your adopted childrens future positively by leading by example.
Im sure you are already able to understand their pain and that is so valuable.

The disorganisedness and the not bing able to concentrate and read, preferring hands on projects- i understand you feel awfull but i would just like to tell you that it is not your fault.
It is what has been done *to you*- it is not who you are. It may be a part of the cptsd, but i do know, that when the mind is troubled it is very hard to concentrate, and when you have had parents who never encouraged you, you loose motivation, thus effects your adult life greatly.

You did well to write this, and should be proud of yourself for your efforts.
I know you think badly of yourself for your symptoms, but that does not in any way, reflect who you are - as your intentions to do well and to be motivated show that this is not who you really are.
Even if it was, thats ok too. We are all different.

I do hope you find comfort in being here. Im so glad you T suggested what is going on with you.

[Trees]

Hi Sunnidayrain, I am so sorry you are having such a hard time!  It would be a huge challenge for even the healthiest person to raise 3 kids with "severe mental health issues".  I can't even imagine how you are managing to do this on top of dealing with cptsd!  You must be a very brave and loving person!

It's good that your therapist knows about cptsd. 

I can really identify what you say about problems with concentration, memory, etc.  I have been having similar brain problems for some years.  Sometimes I feel so stupid.  And reading, which I used to do quite a lot, has become difficult because of the concentration problems.

I have been feeling better this past year and I think it's because I started taking some serious nutritional supplements.  The stress of cptsd can deplete the body of many nutrients, and that makes the brain malfunction, which of course makes everything harder. 

And coming here to this site has helped me a lot, too.  It is a place of safety where you can discuss your symptoms and issues and know that there are others here dealing with the same problems.  We can only comfort you and offer internet hugs    but a lot of us find that reducing the isolation this way is really good medicine.

I hope you will stay in touch here, in whatever way you can, even if it's only a few words at a time.  Sending best wishes and big hugs