Hello all...

[Skims]

Hello , here goes...

So my story is a bit twisty. I thought I led a normal life until about 3 years ago when I turned 30 (read this as either denial or I really didn't know that what I experienced was child abuse/neglect). I started dating a great guy, in fact so great that it made me realize how abusive my past bf's were. I started dissociating all the time, wasn't myself, flashbacks, got really depressed. Being with him triggered ptsd or something. I ended up in the hospital after self-injuring, I was out a week later. In the meantime I was seeing a therapist and we were talking about ptsd and I told her I was hearing voices. She immediately said I was DID. I went home, did research and got really upset. About a week later I was back in the psych ward.

Skip ahead 2 years and 3 more hospitalizations. I'm not seeing that therapist anymore, she was a quack, how could she dx someone anyway, she wasn't a psychiatrist? Why didn't she refer me to a Dr? My current dx is schizoaffective and c-ptsd, I am medicated, hallucination-free now, and rarely dissociate all thanks to meds. I've recently "come out of the fog" about my childhood and abusive adult relationships. Although things are foggy memory-wise as to what went on.

Today, when I'm around my parents I just... can't fathom what it was like growing up in that house with the two of them. In my amateur opinion mom is bpd and dad has some sort of severe mental illness (runs in the family). Anyway what triggered me coming out of the fog was on another forum someone told me to look up the term "Double Bind Theory." It totally blew my mind! My biggest problems today are communicating. I find it really hard to open my mouth and just talk. I feel like people don't want to listen to me, I have no worth and no voice. BTW I'm still dating that really great guy I mentioned, he's been my rock throughout this whole journey. BUT we had a conversation Sunday and he said I've got to talk to him more or he doesn't see a future for us.

The more I read about mental illness the more I am... surprised (no that's not the right word...) That everything is linked together. All of these illnesses are on a spectrum. PTSD, BPD, SZ, BP, D. They are all related and not that separate from one another.

[Kubali]

Hello Skims

Thank you for sharing your 'story' I think you are very brave to have come through everything. Especially with your curiosity and determination intact. I believe it's those qualities that will benefit you greatly on your healing journey.

Psychoeducation is an absolute Godsend for those of us who suffer. I'm really glad that you are finding your way through. That's fantastic for you!

Kubali

[Skims]

Thanks for your kind replies. I've been doing some heavy reading lately. Right now its "Freedom from your Inner Critic." Psychoeducation - I like that term, I'm trying to soak in as much as possible. My bf told me to be careful dx myself and throwing around all these terms and ideas. I appreciate his concern but I've found a good therapist now after a lot of bad ones, and we are starting to work together. I've been bouncing most of what I've learned off of her. Another thing that really helped me in my healing thus far was extensive DBT. I learned so much from the groups I attended over the last 2 years. So many good coping skills. I highly recommend DBT to everyone.