Weight fluctuations, body dysmorphia, and sensitivity to comments re that

[Teddy bear]

Hello,

I hope this is the right place to post this.

I was feeling very tired today and decided to chat with an acquaintance who also has a psychiatric history.

In general, it was a casual conversation, but I didn't like her questions about my body size and her comments afterward. Though she said it was okay—a normal size—probably trying to be reassuring, I felt like I was under a microscope.

Over the past few years, I've had an ongoing battle with my weight, which I was gaining because of psychiatric medications. (Almost everyone has this problem.) Currently, the medication should have a minimal effect, but I still haven't been able to get back into the shape I'm used to this year.

So I felt disappointed after her remarks. It also triggered my body dysmorphia, I think.

(What I was trying to convey to her, aside from expressing my feelings, is that I've read research suggesting caffeine can interact with antipsychotics. This may result in higher BMI and cholesterol. She dismissed these facts—even though she's a coffee drinker, she said it's fine for her.)

I've made an appointment with another doctor today to discuss these issues as well.

Have you experienced any similar problems: weight fluctuations, dysmorphia, or sensitivity to comments like this?

Thank you

[NarcKiddo]

I've struggled with overweight and obesity for the vast (no pun intended) majority of my life. Not from meds, simply from trauma and comfort eating. Not helped by terrible shaming from my mother from around the age of 10 onwards. My sibling verged on anorexia so we have both reacted, just in different ways.

I always felt very self-conscious about everything to do with my body. Not just the weight because my mother did not limit her nasty remarks to my weight alone. My hair, eyes, teeth, feet - all were fair game. Fortunately I have not had to deal with many personal comments in my adult life (other than from my mother) but I did have various medical reports which commented (factually and necessarily) on my size. That stung.

As far as medics are concerned I found it felt better if I grasped the nettle and made it clear before they raised the subject of my weight that I was aware of it. It didn't then feel like a horrible ambush of the sort my mother made.

I don't think comments about someone else's physical appearance or size are ever acceptable unless the person has specifically asked for them. It sounds like you did not and your friend brought up the subject. I know that feeling of being under a microscope and it is horrible. She may have meant well but I am not surprised you felt disappointed afterwards and I'm sorry that happened. I think even compliments can be difficult and land wrong. I'd certainly never comment on someone else's weight loss, for example, unless they had personally told me they were trying to lose. I generally limit compliments to someone's clothing choices or the colour of their manicure.

[TheBigBlue]

  to both of you.

Teddybear, I hear you. There are the active shamers and then the more indirect shaming that comes from "helpers," even when they think they're being reassuring. Both can land as being put under a microscope, especially when you're already tired and vulnerable.

If you haven't seen this thread yet, you might find it interesting.
https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=17004.0�

Especially the science behind the connection between CPTSD and obesity.

[...] Multiple independent meta-analyses (i.e., studies that pool data from many original studies) report that Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) exposure is associated with higher odds of obesity. [...]

Given that context, it makes complete sense that comments about body size - even "neutral" or reassuring ones - can be activating. Your reaction isn't over-sensitivity; it's an understandable response to having your body treated as a topic rather than you being met as a person. I'm glad you're listening to yourself and getting support around this. 💛

[Teddy bear]

Thanks, TheBigBlue 🤝

I looked into the thread, and it's interesting and really makes sense. Trauma does play a role in body weight, and it's not appropriate at all to stigmatise it.

While I used to be an anorexic the most part of my life with a low BMI, now after those meds I'm still in their "norm", but it's just an almost constant feeling of discomfort, that I have some excessive kilos here and there.

Regarding BMI, it's quite obvious, is a label that doesn't show to much imo. Some athletes can be beyond the normal range, and can feel probably good, for instance.

I just got tired of approximately four times getting back in shape. So lately my body seems started to protest.

And the psych meds, they are awful in their metabolic impact: especially, say, quetiapine.

Still, I am going now to create safe, stress-free and excluding retraumatisation conditions, so my body would return to a comfortable shape, that feels good and healthy.

[dollyvee]

Hey Teddy Bear,

I've had a life long issue with body image and weight despite being, at times, in probably the under weight category. My FOO had a lot of ideas about body image and shamed me a lot as a child for being a normal weight at the time.

Recently, I have been looking into scapegoating in families and found that a lot of scapegoated children can perpetuate the scapegoating dynamic on themselves through body image ie they carry the story the family told them that they are not doing something "right" if their body image doesn't live up to some imaginable standard for example.

I also know what it's like to have a condition and have weight gain as a result of that despite doing all the "right" things. It really, really sucks. I feel like most people look at you as (and this is probably the scapegoat story popping up here again) as it's something that you've done wrong.

So, once I moved countries where there is a high proportion of rental properties that contain black mold, and no recourse for landlords who don't address it, I started gaining weight despite eating relatively the same diet. I have "sensitive genetics" and this can lead to a whole host of issues from weight gain from mycotoxin exposure to MCAS. I spent 10 years trying to figure out what was going on, and came to a point where I was following a strict calorie (1800) and strength training regime and, more crucially, living in a mold free environment, that I lost some weight. Only to have it come back again, with a bunch of other issues, when I moved into an apartment that had mold behind the walls. So, genetics play a big part in how your body decides to do things, which is unique for everyone, including how people metabolize caffeine. What works for her might not work for you, and a gentle reminder may help her digest that (no pun intended).

Like you said, BMI is not an accurate measure of what is going on. Because I do so much strength training, I have to adjust the BMI calculator on my scale. To me, weight is also not an accurate predictor of how healthy you are, and I prefer body fat percentage instead. I think it gives you a more accurate description of a "healthy" build because you can be 120 pounds and still be 28% body fat for example. Weight gives no idea of how much lean muscle mass you have.

With all these factors in mind, it's helped manage some peoples' reactions to me and what I look like, and if they're just talking garbage. It's incredibly sad to me that as I've lost weight, peoples' reactions towards me have changed, but I'm still navigating that one. Like TBB said, having your body treated as a topic of conversation can be activating, and I've found that having more of a framework about what is/may be going on as well as what is actually healthy (and what can also be someone else's projection about their own issues) helps give you some more agency to deal with it.

Sending you support,
dolly

[Blueberry]

Hi Teddy bear,

I'm certainly sensitive to comments on my body size and have body dysmorphia, altho I have experienced a lot of healing in both. I used to be a bit underweight apparently, or maybe it was just I looked that way because I was always trying to disappear psychologically. I didn't want to exist. For a number of years now, I've been mostly okay about existing and have swung the other way. I'm fat, keep growing out of jackets and trousers etc. My size and looks actually bother me a lot less than they would have say 10-20 years ago, it's just the present inconvenience of no longer fitting into my rain gear... and not replacing because difficult to find and expensive.

FOO told me I was fat throughout my childhood, teens and on into my twenties, thirties, forties, although I wasn't. I have very low contact with all of them so no video calls or anything and they haven't seen me for 10 years. I would say my body dysmorphia developed in childhood, I mean how was I meant to know that what my FOO referred to as fat was actually muscle?? I did figure out at some point that my calves were fairly muscular from cycling but as for the rest of my body? It shouldn't have existed is the message I got.

They actually seemed to think I was fat so idk if they had body dysmorphia about me?? idk if that exists? They were ashamed of themselves or me or?? And projected that onto me. Anyway sorry to keep rambling on, but with trauma in your background eating disorder and body dysmorphia are not exactly rare. Maybe you need to figure out how it developed in your case in order to heal? idk.

There is actually a whole Eating Issues board on here https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=234.0. It's maybe a lot to read but could also be interesting to read about others' problems and even some healing too.

 

[Blueberry]

This may result in higher BMI and cholesterol.

Just to add: my cholesterol levels used to be worse when I was not overweight. My doctor thought it was because my whole metabolism wasn't working well due to trauma. My trauma used to play out physically a lot. My body was wracked in pain that no doctor could find a reason for - probably my emotional pain was making itself known physically. Etc etc etc. This isn't to say noone with trauma should believe their doctor when the doc discovers overly high levels of whatever but the emotional and physical body aren't as separate as we would like to think, maybe?

[Teddy bear]

Thanks, everyone,

I'll try to get back to this as soon as I feel less stressed and triggered by this topic and other things.

In short: for me, there's no quantitative measure that feels okay — only a 'feels good' state of mind and body."

[Blueberry]

I'll try to get back to this as soon as I feel less stressed and triggered by this topic and other things.

Very understandable! Take the time you need, that's good self-care.