Gisèle Pelicot - A Hymn to Life: Shame Has to Change Sides

[SenseOrgan]

TW/mention of sexual abuse

The extraordinarily powerful memoir by a heroine of our times, whose story inspires change, compassion and courage.

One November day, Gisèle Pelicot was called to a local police station and life as she knew it ended. Her husband of fifty years had been caught by a supermarket guard filming up women's skirts. But on his computer was shattering evidence: for nearly a decade, he had been secretly drugging and raping her and inviting dozens of strangers into their home to abuse her.

Four years later, he and fifty other men were put on trial and Gisèle's courage in waiving her right to anonymity made global headlines. 'Shame must change sides,' she declared, giving voice and hope to millions. Her words became a rallying cry and her decision marked a turning point in public feeling about sexual violence.

For the first time, and with unwavering honesty and grace, she describes a difficult childhood, first love, her career and motherhood. It is a life in determined search of happiness, both before and after her devastating discovery. She is an ordinary person who faces extraordinary catastrophe, whose example changes the world.

A Hymn to Life is an unforgettable testament and a promise. Its message is one of defiance and renewal – that victims have no reason to feel ashamed; that even after unimaginable betrayal we can go on; that the colour can come back to life. Ultimately, Gisèle Pelicot emerges with a renewed passion and reverence for living, and for love.
Source: https://www.penguin.co.uk/books/475698/a-hymn-to-life-by-pelicot-gisele/9781847928962

[Kizzie]

"Shame must change sides". Absolutely!

Have you read the book yet SO? I remember when her story first came out I was amazed she had chosen to disclose publicly and say "No!" to shame. So courageous because although she did not own the shame (as we do not), I know there were those who questioned how she could not have known even having been drugged.

If you've read the book I'm curious to know if she talks about having CPTSD given she was drugged and unconscious when the abuse occurred. It must have been psychologically shattering to discover the years of abuse no matter what, but it's different in a way than being aware of our abuse even if we dissociate because the memories are there if deep down. Part of us knows whereas for her, there are no memories.   

[NarcKiddo]

I have been totally astonished by Mme Pelicot's courage and dignity in all of this. I believe the whole situation has caused a family rift between her and her daughter, which is very sad. Plus the upset for the families of the participants in this vile abuse. I feel I ought to try to read her book at some stage.

[SenseOrgan]

Kizzie, I haven't read the book yet. I just discovered she wrote it, watching an interview on Dutch TV. She'll receive the Four Freedoms Award in April. I'm in absolute awe of her. I can never see her on TV without crying. That's not even so much about the atrocities themselves, but more about how she carries herself. Her courage and dignity deeply resonate with me. She's a big inspiration. "Shame must change sides". You said something very similar in a comment on Bredrick's book. That message has been sinking in lately. For me, it's a very important one to really hear and start to live by. It helps to have examples of people who went before me, who are truly on their own side.

Reading the book is going to be challenging, I think. There were fragments in the item on TV. She's very open about what she went through, also during the trial. I have no idea if Gisèle Pelicot views what she's going through in the light of PTSD, or even CPTSD. Thus far I haven't heard her speak about it in those terms. If it's in the book, I'll report it here. What she did mention in the interview is that it helped her that she's older. She said she didn't know if she would have been able to carry this when younger. The interview is in French with Dutch subtitles. If you speak French and use VPN, I can look up the link for you if you'd want.

NarcKiddo
That's incredibly sad. I just learned that it was actually Pelicot's daughter who encouraged her mother to not give the perpetrators what they want by holding the trail behind closed doors.

[Blueberry]

Gisèle Pelicot is and was so brave! I'm so sorry that the trial and how it went down exactly has caused a rift between her and her daughter. Abuse of whatever kind can cause such rifts. At least as far as I understand the whole family is united against the husband/father.

I read this quote elsewhere, purportedly from the Toronto Sun but I haven't checked:      TW for SA wording

'She admits that if she had been 20 years younger, she might not have had the strength to do it.

"I might not have dared to refuse a closed-door hearing," she writes. "I would have feared the stares. Those damned stares a woman of my generation has always had to contend with, those damned stares that make you hesitate in the morning between trousers and a dress, that follow you or ignore you, flatter you and embarrass you. Those damned stares that are supposed to tell you who you are, what you're worth, and then abandon you as you grow older."'

End TW