opening up to support

[moshi]

im really happy to have found this forum and hope to feel less alone.

what i am really looking for is to feel understood through this group of tender folks. going through life understanding and empathising with others is exhausting to some extent for me because it often doesn't feel reciprocal. i struggle knowing if that is true or its the wiring in my brain telling me otherwise. i oscillate between feeling deeply connected to anti-social behaviours. i desire at least 1 friend that empathises with me, not to trauma-bond but to just feel a little less invisible. i dont desire to be anti-social but it is my way of coping when i dont feel connected enough.

right now, im going through an anti-social cycle and giving myself permission to ride that wave without judgment and judgment of others. the fear of loss is resting with me. its inspired me to find this community, and at the very least, connect in this way so i don't lose myself in this cycle and fall back into a pattern where i disappear from everyone's life because i feel like a victim.

its hard to experience a wound you can't show another and say please help me stop the pain

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome. I'm glad you found us.

[Teddy bear]

Welcome here, Moshi 

It resonates with me: not too many friends and periods of distance from others along with attempts to be friendly. I don't like relationships based on trauma bonding either.
Often I feel myself unappreciated and no real reciprocity.

[TheBigBlue]

Welcome, Moshi 
You're not alone here. What you described makes sense, and I hope this space helps you feel seen, understood, and supported as you find your way through it.

(If that's ok)

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm Moshi 

Just my thoughts here but it takes a while when building relationships to have the kind of connection and trust to begin to share anything about our trauma. I like your idea of starting here and getting that feeling of connection, understanding and support you want (and deserve). We get it and we're going to be here for you whilst those who are non-survivors may be intimidated, perhaps even a bit overwhelmed to hear about your past unless they have come to know you well first.

It's hard I know but not everyone who is a non-survivor is secure enough in themselves to treat any disclosures from us with the respect and compassion we need. That's why it is so good you found your way here because we are