opening up to support

[moshi]

im really happy to have found this forum and hope to feel less alone.

what i am really looking for is to feel understood through this group of tender folks. going through life understanding and empathising with others is exhausting to some extent for me because it often doesn't feel reciprocal. i struggle knowing if that is true or its the wiring in my brain telling me otherwise. i oscillate between feeling deeply connected to anti-social behaviours. i desire at least 1 friend that empathises with me, not to trauma-bond but to just feel a little less invisible. i dont desire to be anti-social but it is my way of coping when i dont feel connected enough.

right now, im going through an anti-social cycle and giving myself permission to ride that wave without judgment and judgment of others. the fear of loss is resting with me. its inspired me to find this community, and at the very least, connect in this way so i don't lose myself in this cycle and fall back into a pattern where i disappear from everyone's life because i feel like a victim.

its hard to experience a wound you can't show another and say please help me stop the pain