Impossible to feel strong positive emotions

[pelicantown]

 

I have a good, solid life. I'm married to someone I love and have a lovely day-to-day with. I have a dog. Work is stable (and I get to work from home!). I have time to do things I enjoy. But I could be traveling, eating the best food in the world, or hanging out with people I care about, and it seems like my happiness meter or positive emotions only get up to a certain point. It's almost like I can't fully feel them. I remember a time when I felt positive emotions strongly, but it's no longer like that. Any similar experiences? Solutions? Thoughts?

[lowbudgetTV]

I totally feel this. I feel like a muted person, someone who cannot express emotions. I call it emotionally constipated, though that describes mostly when I know I'm feeling something but it just doesn't come out. I want to feel, but yet...

Depending on one's background, I imagine we get it from being pushed down in our vulnerable days: we showed the wrong emotions and thus learned over time to be more muted. Or maybe its just a manifestation of a remaining sadness or grief, even though times are good.

I do miss the times when I was happy. I at least feel the great relief of sadness and crying sometimes (its so bad to not be able to let that out) but without the polar opposite, its a very dull gray life.

[pelicantown]

Emotionally constipated! I'm definitely using that from now on

[lowbudgetTV]

Glad you like the term! Welcome to this cursed club 

[LucasLu]

I suggest you discuss this matter with a professional psychologist. It could be somatic numbness or impaired emotional empathy. Based on my personal experience, you should not only seek individual counseling but may also require couples counseling later on. The reduction in your emotional responsiveness might make it difficult for you to empathize with your partner at times, which could potentially affect the intimacy between you.

[Chart]

Interesting, Pelicantown and everyone. I guess Cptsd encompasses all types. I have had many positive emotional experiences in my life. I swing back and forth, from general intense sadness/depression to about three days a month feeling quite good and then pushing that limit with something exciting and adventurous. My objective is to pull these massive emotional swings down to a more reasonable middle, especially the deep sadness. I would like to shift the "average" and slide the scale more towards the positive. I don't usually go manic. When I do I usually get myself in trouble or do something inappropriate. That swing has calmed a lot over the past six years.

I'm sorry to disagree with you, LucasLu. My personal experience with therapists/psychologists/psychiatrists has been a total zero in effecting emotional change or stabilization. And I've seen quite a boat-load in my life. Nope, therapy for me has been a relative dead-end in effecting the deep neuronal change that I know needs to happen to pull me upwards towards a more stable and regulated nervous system state. I've had some pretty empathic therapists, and that feels good, but talk-therapy to change my brain..? personally I've never experienced it, and often quite the reverse. But that's just me.

Hugs all around if everyone's ok with that.
:-)

[Teddy bear]

Hi Pelicantown,

I can relate to what you're saying, though my life isn't perfect now. But I do have a dog now — my first ever! 🦮 She's my main therapist ☺️.

I sometimes think back to when I was travelling the world: eating street food, swimming in the ocean, seeing volcanoes, crossing the Andes... those kinds of adventures.

It makes me a bit sad, knowing I probably won't have chances to travel like that again for a few years.

Another factor is that I'm still on a neuroleptic, so the numbness I feel might be coming from that.

In the meantime, I'm trying to focus on pleasurable and healthy things — keeping up with my diet, staying active, enjoying my hobbies, and so on.

[pelicantown]

I suggest you discuss this matter with a professional psychologist. It could be somatic numbness or impaired emotional empathy. Based on my personal experience, you should not only seek individual counseling but may also require couples counseling later on. The reduction in your emotional responsiveness might make it difficult for you to empathize with your partner at times, which could potentially affect the intimacy between you.

6+ years of individual therapy and 2+ years of couples (although we are no longer in couples) This issue doesn't affect my relationships with others, more so the relationship I have with myself. It's also something that happened later in my therapy journey, and that's actually completely physiological rather than psychological. I find that to be the case with most of my issues. For the record, I've been on Wellbutrin, and while that did help with many of my PTSD symptoms, I couldn't keep taking it because it messed with my digestive system.

Somatic numbness or impaired emotional empathy sounds much too extreme for my case! I guess I'm just talking about feeling happy emotions at 1-6 on a 10-point scale and not being able to feel the 6-10, if that makes sense?

@Chart I like that idea of treating mood like a scale. I think there are times where I can be quite black-and-white about mood, even though I'm not that way about other things.

@TeddyBear Oh man, I don't know what I'd do without my dog. He gets me out of bed in the morning!! It sounds like you've got many great ways to cope and are prioritizing the right things. 

[Chart]

Since

@Chart I like that idea of treating mood like a scale. I think there are times where I can be quite black-and-white about mood, even though I'm not that way about other things.

Since I came to understand the autistic spectrum, I see things more and more on that type of scale. Things blend from one end to the other. I try to pay attention to the sliding. Often I find my behavior radically changes depending where I'm at. Identifying patterns is key, imo, then once identified, I try something different (if I'm not satisfied with the current situation (emotional or otherwise).
Hope hugs are okay!
 

[TheBigBlue]

I do have a dog now — my first ever! 🦮 She's my main therapist ☺️.

Baloo 🦮 is such an important anchor for me. He's my certified mobility-assistance service dog, and he does that job beautifully — but just as importantly, he's a huge source of emotional grounding and safety for me. I'm incredibly grateful that he can be with me everywhere; his presence makes a real difference in how regulated and steady I can be.