Hope's Journal 2026

[Hope67]

13th January 2026

So, this is my first entry for 2026 in this journal.  I'd like to first say that I do welcome replies and comments in my journal from others, as they are very validating and helpful to me - so if you wish to respond to anything I've said, please feel free to do so.  I value all of you, and what you say.  Thank you so much for supporting me on my journey so far.

So today I wrote (by hand) the following, which I am now re-typing to put in this journal, and will tear up the paper copy.  That process in itself seems therapeutic to me!

* More regulated
* Better able to notice bodily signs and consider them rather than react to them.
* Noticed more feelings that signify ANGER.
* Continuing to digest various biographies and autobiographies and especially glean things from ones that include therapy interactions.
* Still using bilateral stimulation and EMDR.
* Nightime - much improved.  Previous terror feelings no longer there.  Do get another feeling like abandonment, but less impact than previous terror.  Tend to consider the physical impact, bodily sensation - remaining curious - doing some EMDR for a minute duration - Tends to help and can then sleep!
* Frustrated with weight - I had lost weight prior to Christmas - but overdid it, and gained weight - never mind - focus again.
*Still experiencing some strong feelings of DISGUST/SHAME re: not being able to maintain a relationship with a toxic FOO.  Feelings of guilt.  Shame.  Ordered a book about Unshaming - hope this will help.
* Ordered Janina Fisher's new book about Fragmented Parts - understand it's a work-book, so hopeful it will build on her previous work, which has been invaluable to me.
* Noticed that I'm currently most likely avoiding looking at my CSA issues.  Hence feeling some overwhelm at not having sufficient time.  But is this because I am overwhelming myself.  Afterall I can choose how to allocate time etc.

Glad to have started this 2026 journal. 

[NarcKiddo]

That is a really good list. You identify progress and problems but it's nice to see that along with voicing the frustrations you are kind to yourself and consider how you can overcome the issues going forward.

What a great start to your 2026 journal.

[sanmagic7]

  really nice start to this journal, hope.

it struck me what you said about the terror being mostly gone, but it left room for feelings of abandonment now.  it sounds to me like you've grown emotionally, which i'm not surprised due to all the hard work you keep doing.  well done for the progress you've made!

keep up the good work.  i hope your new books are as helpful as the others have been for you.  love and hugs