Living As All of Me

[HannahOne]

SanMagic7, thank you for reading and commenting! I was quite interested in the idea of instinctual boundary. I have been pondering this idea. How I had to overrule this instinct in the past. How I might tune into it more, now. Thank you!

[HannahOne]

Whiskers.

How to feel along the edges. How to know the boundaries. Can I fit? Is there space for me? How to scan, read the room. What is coming near?

The light catches Frank's whiskers like a halo. He moves his muzzle and they quiver. They pick up the airstream, the bunching up of air molecules that indicates the leg of the chair, the vibration of the dog's feet on the wood floor on the other side of the house. He walks foot by foot to the edge of the couch, sticks his head under. His whiskers feel along the edges. Will his rotund hind end fit through? He backs up. Sits up, whiskers vibrating. No more dog footsteps. Just the breeze from the ceiling fan, the clump of air at the leg of the chair. And me, my breathing. He twitches his whiskers to double check. He lowers himself, loafs. All quiet now.

And my whiskers? I feel I've been given a whisker-ectomy. I can't always feel who is near, who is coming, the size of an opening in life and if I can or cannot fit through. Instinctual decisions don't come instinctually. Instead, I start thinking. Did she mean what she said? What did she mean? She didn't mean that. She said something opposite before. But what if she did mean it? How can I know? I'm overthinking it. No I'm not! She must have meant something else....And round and round and round...

Frank sits up, alarmed. TOO LOUD, he says. TOO MUCH THINKING.

Sorry Frank. I am cluttering the air with mental noise, raising the vibration too high.
Is there a wolf? he asks.
No.
Ok then, he says. Shh.

Right, got it. Sorry. Shhh, shhh. Back into the body, the warm velveteen sack of fur, meat, bone, nerve. Well, I'm not so velveteen. Back into my meat suit, bone, nerve... I loaf. Frank flings his back feet out behind him in superman pose. He's not going anywhere anytime soon.