CPTSD from childhood abuse – what helped you?

[noraw]

I'm in my early 30s and believe I have complex PTSD from growing up in a chronically unsafe, emotionally abusive, and very unstable environment. I'm still trying to find the right words for everything, so I appreciate patience as I share some of my background.

I grew up with a mother who had severe, untreated and misdiagnosed mental health issues, including a later diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. From a very young age I was exposed to intense emotional volatility, neglect, fear, and abuse. My mother frequently and severely self-harmed and made suicide threats directed at me, often blaming me and telling me it was my fault or that I had "made" her do it. She would threaten to hurt herself if I "misbehaved."

These situations were terrifying and deeply confusing, and there was no adult who stepped in to protect me. This doesn't even touch on the silent treatment, rage, humiliation, mocking, or being left in unsafe situations with men, only to have those experiences laughed off or dismissed if I tried to speak up.

My mother's own upbringing was also unsafe, and my extended family weren't much different. My father was emotionally unavailable and lived with his own significant mental health difficulties, so I didn't have a safe parent or adult to turn to at any point.

On top of everything at home, I was bullied at school and had no real support system anywhere. Over time, I learned to shut down, stay quiet, and survive rather than develop a sense of self. I think I internalised a deep belief that I was a burden and that my needs were too much.

As an adult, I struggle with ongoing symptoms that feel very consistent with CPTSD. I dissociate and lose time, deal with chronic anxiety, experience shutdown and freeze, have difficulty functioning day to day, and struggle with significant body image issues. At the moment I find it extremely hard to leave the house and spend almost all of my time indoors. I keep myself very much to myself, avoid interaction as much as possible, and stay in my own space, but it still feels like my nervous system never fully switches out of survival mode.

I recently cancelled therapy after about a year because I wasn't sure it was helping. I felt increasingly confused and stuck. The therapist was trauma-informed and used IFS, which I know helps many people, but I don't think it fully addressed my level of freeze and dissociation or helped me understand what was happening in my body and nervous system.

Part of my confusion now is around what kind of treatment is actually effective for this kind of trauma, especially when dissociation and freeze feel so constant. I know there are different approaches for CPTSD, but finding someone who can really work with this and explain it in a way that makes sense to me feels overwhelming.

I also still struggle with a lot of self-doubt and minimising what I went through. I notice a strong part of me that feels the need to explain everything in detail just to feel sure it really was abuse or to feel validated. I've tried to balance that here by not saying everything, but that in itself feels difficult.

I'm hoping to hear from others who relate, particularly around what types of therapy or approaches helped you, what didn't help, and whether it took time before things started to shift. I'd also really appreciate hearing from anyone who has experience navigating therapy while living with long-term freeze and dissociation.

Thank you for reading

[noraw]

Sorry that it is so long, it is my first post and I know I didn't need to write so much. It is ok if anyone needs to skip to the bottom paragraph.

[Kizzie]

Welcome to Out of the Storm Noraw! 

No worries about the length of your post, it's really common for new members to write a lot because there's so much that you need to get out. The opposite also happens where it takes a new member time to post very much because they feel so vulnerable and unsafe even in an anonymous forum.

So considering what you went through and how it impacted you I think you did a great job of sharing in spite of having learned to shut down!

In terms of what treatment works it really is different for everyone. I know lots of people here do IFS, EMDR and CBT. They each seem to work for different aspects of CPTSD so it's trial and error I'm afraid. This is where we've (survivors) have had to educate ourselves as to the different approaches to the various symptoms and comorbidities of CPTSD, for example freeze and/or dissociation.

That said, when I read your post I was thinking (just my opinion), that whatever therapist you do choose needs to use a relational approach in which they work with you to feel safe and stay present. If you Google it you'll get an idea of what it is and why it might be helpful for you. Here's one description I found:

Relational therapy is a psychotherapy approach focusing on how relationships, both past and present, deeply influence emotional well-being, aiming to build healthier, more satisfying connections by exploring relational patterns, fostering vulnerability, and using the therapeutic relationship itself as a tool for healing wounds and developing trust, boundaries, and deeper self-understanding. It's helpful for anxiety, insecurity, trauma, or relationship distress, teaching individuals to recognize unhealthy patterns and form more fulfilling bonds with themselves and others.

Hope this helps!

Kizzie

[Blueberry]

Relational therapy is a psychotherapy approach focusing on how relationships, both past and present, deeply influence emotional well-being, aiming to build healthier, more satisfying connections by exploring relational patterns, fostering vulnerability, and using the therapeutic relationship itself as a tool for healing wounds and developing trust, boundaries, and deeper self-understanding. It's helpful for anxiety, insecurity, trauma, or relationship distress, teaching individuals to recognize unhealthy patterns and form more fulfilling bonds with themselves and others.

I would add to that - try and make sure you get a trauma-informed or better yet trauma-trained therapist in relational therapy! I've been in a lot of relational therapy and when therapists were not trauma-trained especially like 20 years ago, they and I would invariably get stuck at some point and some would blame me for "not wanting to get better" or say I was "therapy resistant". Neither were true, it's just that my case was too complex, too difficult for them.

I do a lot of imagination work and inner child work. Basically, my best therapists have tried out various approaches and then mixed-and-matched with me, so don't necessarily stick with one type all the time. Or they can improvise and adapt if necessary. Or sometimes a type of therapy can help for a while and then I need something else. For a long time, EFT (emotional freedom tapping) was very helpful. My trauma T of the time learnt it for me, practised it with me till I could do it on my own.

On the forum, I find these kinds of threads useful https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=49.0  choose any that appeal to you from the sticky-ied topics. If none appeal, ignore.

I've been very much helped by this forum. I write a lot and read a lot, it's a safe space for me. I get a lot of validation here, especially when I'm struggling and not noticing that I'm moving forwards or not noticing I do need a break.

Freeze is one of my big reactions too. If you dissociate a lot, you might be on the OSDD-DID spectrum, i.e. have some form of dissociative disorder, which a number of us on here have. See https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=15563.msg136240#msg136240 or https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16874.msg154836#msg154836 (here Janina Fisher's book about Healing Fragmented Selves is mentioned, a number of people on here have been helped with that and one day I may get round to it too) and https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16374.0 - a general discussion thread of OSDD etc. If I've linked too many threads, and it's overwhelming, just ignore! It's not always the right time for any particular information.

And of course, welcome to the forum noraw