New here

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Hi Abitbroken, welcome to the Forum. Soooo much of what you've written and described resonates with me. I'm so sorry you're struggling. Just quickly, two things: it is a long hard road... but it does get easier with time, patience, self-love and understanding.

...we have touched on some stuff from the past, not feeling safe as a child... or ever in fact, I didn't feel loved as a kid which is weird as my brother says he did, which makes me feel worse... but glad for him of course. My mum also died when I was 13 - so I feel guilty saying I don't feel like I was loved and never felt safe or held when I know she was a good person, and I know my brother did, but that's another story.

Just an observation here: no two children have the same parents. Each sibling is different (even twins). Parents are evolving people with their own history, behaviors and pathologies. And transgenerational trauma is now very well recognized. It can come down to one sibling but not others.

For theses reasons, siblings' experiences can be very different. Just because one sibling seems "normal" doesn't mean a brother or sister didn't experience something different.

Just like "comparing trauma"... no two experiences are identical. This is one of the greatest challenges to understanding adverse childhood experiences (ACE).

However the symptoms of trauma are quite incredibly consistent amongst sufferers. We all know intimately what an EF is. On that there is a lot of consensus and immense amounts of sympathy.

I personally believe I will continue "learning" what Cptsd is for the rest of my life... there's so much to know and understand. Healing is no longer a destination, but has become the path itself. My awareness only deepens over time.

But through it all, the single most important thing for me is that I no longer feel alone on this voyage. I am understood and feel connected. Love is exponential here.

Sending hugs and support if that's okay.