Marcine’s journaling forward

[NarcKiddo]

Intellectual understanding rings hollow.

That resonates. But sometimes it is all we have to fall back on until the emotional understanding catches up.

I found your post very powerful and moving.

 

[Marcine]

Grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I must,
And wisdom to know the difference.

That classic prayer continues to offer insights to me.

Acceptance of what I can't change requires me to grieve.
Making necessary change requires a brave leap of faith into the unknown.
Discerning between what is and isn't in my control requires patience.

Above all, I benefit from seeing the truth. I welcome the truth.

Aligning with what's true no longer is a scary, life threatening, criminal, punishable-by-death choice.

It was dangerous to see and speak truth when I was young, little, and dependent on adults who force-fed me distorted falsehoods. I had to swallow the lie that everything was in my control and that I could change anything if I tried hard enough. If things weren't working, then it was my fault.

I was penalized when I tried to draw a line between what truly belonged to me and what was theirs.

Here now, I feel calm and clear-eyed.

I teach my students when they are stumped by a math problem— "start with what you know."

I tell my kids when they aren't sure of the next step forward— "start with what you know."

I tell myself— "start with what you know."

I know this to be true:

- I practice honesty, compassion, and integrity.

- I live a principled life, in alignment with what I value.

- I provide unconditional love, nurturing and protection for my kids.

- I am courageous and fierce in adversity.

- I am a good human being, connecting with other good beings.

That's a good start!

[HannahOne]

You ARE a good human being, Marcine. Living in alignment, with courage. And breaking the cycle. 

Your children, students, and everyone here are so fortunate that you are bringing hard-earned wisdom, borne from pain and hard work of grieving, discernment, and many brave leaps.

[TheBigBlue]

Marcine, thank you for sharing this. It feels grounded, honest, and deeply earned. I really appreciate the way you hold both grief and clarity together, without rushing either one. There's a calm truthfulness here that feels safe to be near.

"Start with what you know" is such a gentle, solid anchor - and what you name that you know about yourself speaks to a life lived with care, values, and love. I'm really glad you shared this with us. It matters, and so do you. 💛

[NarcKiddo]

"Start with what you know.".

I love that.

I also have to accept that what I know is not very much at all because I am still swamped with so much false narrative from the past. But, hey. That is knowing something, and that is a start.

Your statement about the dangers of seeing and speaking truth when young resonates. I'm sorry you had to deal with that too.

[sanmagic7]

i echo NK, marcine - start w/ what you know.  very wise, very solid, very grounded.  i'm glad your kids and your students have you, a good person, a principled person.  there are no better, to my mind, and definitely not enough.  love and hugs, if that's ok.