It's so physical

[EB]

Hi All

I'm not entirely clear on the trigger warning protocol. There might be some triggers in this about fear of process.

Wondering if anyone can relate:
My physical body reacts to my trauma in a very way.

 As an example, the other day I was going deeper into a memory (which i considered kinda minor in relation to other experiences I've had-some kind of lesson there) and I broke out in some hives-one spot where my arm had been held. And i got a pounding headache that thank-fully went away in an hour or so.

The stuff that goes on mentally and emotionally is a lot as well. But the body stuff sometimes borders on frightening. I'm lucky to be working with a therapist who is, imo, "body-centered" He has taught me the emdr flash technique, has me breath and stretch. So that's helpful. Plus I am a long time massage therapist so I'm aware of many helpful techniques.

But here's the concern. I had a previous therapist for a year or so who was almost only "talk-centered" and left me to deal with all fall-out on my own. He was my first therapist after working on my stuff solo for decades. I am 63yo woman.
When I started to get into more intense emoting, crying and wailing basically, the therapist dropped me because he said he was worried I'd have a heart attack or nervous break-down and should work with someone else. Ha! He was certainly correct that i needed to work with someone else.

But his worries stuck with me. I do have some managed heart issues (angina) and he knew I has an experience when I felt like i was losing my mind (terrifying).
So now when i have an anxiety attack (my panic attacks are mostly under control) or have strong feelings I'm frightened that I'll have a heart attack or lose my mind.

I'm just wondering if anyone else has strong physical reactions and how they might deal.

[LadyBoar]

Hey EB!
For me the main physical symptom I have is chronic pelvic pain, its annoying cause even when I'm doing the proper stretches and relaxation it just shows up again (together with its minions aka constipation and bladder pain). So I'm just try to focus on the long game, if I manage to store less stress on my pelvic muscles with time it should get better.

When it comes to panick attacks and worrying about having a heart attack, I never expirenced the fear of having something wrong with my heart, whoever one thing I do when I'm in a particular panicked state is to talk to my body. I know it sounds silly, but telling my body "ok, I hear you, but we need to calm ourselves first and then we can address this" seems to help me. It's a way to make my body an ally to my journey instead of a threat or something I have no control over.
 

[EB]

Thanks LadyBoar

I love your idea of body as ally-that's really helpful and not silly at all. I'm definitely gonna try this.

I'm also grateful for your courage and hope (that's how it struck me) around your chronic pelvic pain. That is inspiring

And I wish you loads of relief and healing

[NarcKiddo]

I think maybe you need to do some work with your current therapist to get your previous therapist out of your head. It sounds very unhelpful that he has left you with this additional worry. My suggestion would be first to remind yourself frequently, not just when feeling fragile, that the heart issues are managed and that you know what to do if they flare up (e.g. take medication, consult your doctor). Second, you might want to explore why this first therapist has managed to get under your skin in this way. For example you might be viewing him as someone in a position of authority and, given past experiences of people in authority, you may emotionally (if not logically) believe he knows what he is talking about and has every right to make these suggestions. And then work with yourself and your therapist to debunk these views. That therapist is not a heart doctor and has no business to be saying such things. It also does not sound to me as if he knows all that much about nervous breakdowns and probably has no business to be passing comments about those, either. Crying and wailing when dealing with painful issues is normal and can be very healing.

I don't have physical reactions of the strength you describe so my comments above are not from personal experience. I do have strong emotional reactions, however, and my therapist always advises me to examine these (in the moment if humanly possible) and try to work out where they are coming from. If their strength does not match the situation then they are a trauma reaction.

[EB]

Thanks NarcKiddo
That's 100% spot on. I do really need to get that out of my head and indeed it does reflect on bad guys in authority in my past.
I will also follow this advice and bring it up with my therapist next session.

Gosh! I love this forum https://www.cptsd.org/forum/Smileys/classic/grouphug.gif

[Kizzie]

Good grief, what an experience with that therapist! Just goes to show you that many are NOT trained to deal effectively with CPTSD yet and that there is always a bottom third of a class of graduates from any program. At the very least they should have referred you to a colleague or provided you with names of other therapists to contact.

You could write a letter of complaint to their professional association if you're up to doing that (scary I know). Reporting does let the regulatory folks know there may be a problem with one of their members.

[EB]

Yeah, it was really odd. We had actually been doing (what I thought was) some good work up until then. It wasn't until my present therapist that i understood that a therapist might help one out of dissociation or panic.
I did write him a letter stating in clear and reasonable terms that i thought his dumping of me- a soft sort of dump- was not okay. No response but I was not expecting one.
The whole event was shockingly painful and disruptive.

I considered reporting him, but figured I didn't have any authority. Who are they gonna believe, the professional or the "crazy" client??
I would like him to not work with complex ptsd Folk ever again-so maybe a report is in order. Just on the off chance that it would make a difference.

Thanks for your thoughts Kizzy.