I can make friends but I cant MAINTAIN them

[Blaithe]

Hi all! I get dissociated when I try to maintain friendships. I get dissociated especially when they delay a reply. Any small thing—- I overthink as rejection or abandonment. I want to heal because I want to have my own family someday. But I can't even keep a friendship. My romantic history isn't good as well. The longest I have had is 3 months. I want to heal.

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome to OOTS. Friendships can be very tricky if we have a history of trust issues, as many of us here do. I have a history of very short-lived romantic relationships because I cut and run at the first sign of rejection or abandonment. It almost feels like I am looking for an excuse to drop them before they drop me. Friendships are in a way even more difficult for me. These days I am trying to maintain more casual connections to see how that feels, rather than seeking immediately to make a close friendship. You have not said whether you are trying to maintain closer friendships but if you have little experience of more casual connections that might be something to try. You would be less likely to fret over a delay in communication from them and you may even find that a closer connection eventually grows. Just a thought, in case it helps.

[Blueberry]

Welcome to the forum Blaithe

I'm discovering more and more how difficult it is for me to maintain friendships, although there was a good few years in my healing journey when I seemed to be doing quite well. I thought I had lots of good friends. But I'm really pulling back atm and I'm not phoning my friends, I'm not even leaving the house.

I get dissociated especially when they delay a reply.

I'm sorry. I dissociate for lots of reasons and know how sudden and debilitating it can be. I very often delay with replies - months sometimes, or even years. It may of course look like rejection and abandonment, but actually the reasons are different e.g. it often takes me a long time to figure out what I really feel. So this could be the case with other people who don't reply to you. It may not have so much to do with you personally as you believe. I don't mean to minimise what you're experiencing - please tell me if it comes across that way.

I have a history of NO romantic relationships because I dissociate and/or my body goes numb at the thought. I'm in my 50's. In comparison, 3 months is long and I think it gives you some experience, which is generally helpful in some way.

Wanting to heal is a good start. I wish you healing step by step and hope you find this forum as supportive as I have over the years.

[ednasurvivalmode]

Blaithe, I have recently tried to focus on what NarcKiddo suggests. Just meeting new people and continuing to go to that place, even when I don't want to. At the beginning of this year, I had a great group of people I could enjoy being around for a few hours and trust(enough to not quit). It took me a year to build that. Many times, I'd question the smallest behavior or word and wonder if they really didn't want me there. I fought it, stuck around and they closed down. I never got close enough though to keep in touch through the phone and I dont have social media. So, I am starting over and it took me a while to do that. Once I relax and stop caring if people like me, I notice people approach me more. I also observed that others struggle just as much as we do. (Similar to what Blueberry said about the delayed or no reply.) I'm always blown away by that, feeling like the only broken one in the room.
Is there something that interests you? Maybe try going super slow, like NarcKiddo said.
I wish you much healing, Blaithe.