Not new but new

[Storm Glass]

Hello all. I signed up for this site at some point, most likely pre-Covid, but never really spent time in it. I'm back again now to give it another go, as I find that navigating the turbulent seas alone has not worked well.

I'm sure my story is similar to most of everyone's here. It is difficult to tell, and I oscillate with whether or not I should. I think it would help, but maybe not yet. It would be a long one, with chapters that have never really been written down or looked at since learning everything. I've been with a good therapist for many years, and have worked through a lot of things. Not as much as I'd like (wouldn't a permanent cure-all be great?), but more than I thought possible. I do a great deal of self-care and at-home therapy sorts of things (like journaling), which helps.

At present, I am going through a very turbulent time that has disrupted my usual routines and carefully-arranged recovery rhythm. There is a lot of shock surrounding it, and some symptoms (especially hypervigilance and volatility) have skyrocketed. It is largely for this reason, as I try to adjust to this abrupt shift and rebuild my life (again), that I wanted to re-explore the online CPTSD community and see what happens. As it is, I often find myself hiding or downplaying my past and struggles from others, fearing it will be perceived as whiny/etc or exploited. I'd like to get better at it though, as I'm learning that letting it breathe often lets it move on. I also at times struggle with communicating in general, especially articulating anything emotional. It's not yet clear how much of that is from trauma and how much is intrinsic to ND.

It's been a long time since I used a forum, and it is my hope that I will find the community bond that I used to be able to find on such sites (I'm from the days of dial-up, when forums reigned supreme). Overall I'd just like to be less isolated, especially with people to whom I don't have to explain symptom quirks as much.

Thanks.

[NarcKiddo]

Hello and welcome.

As for telling your story, should you wish to, there is a recovery journal section of the site where you can do that in whatever way is most helpful to you. Sometimes it can be good to get things out to be seen by sympathetic others but if you don't want feedback you can make that clear. Feedback in the journal section is quite tightly regulated in any case, because the journals are for the benefit of their author rather than the community as a whole. Just letting you know in case you don't know about the journal section.

I'm glad you have a good therapist and am sorry to read that you are currently going through a turbulent time.

[Kizzie]

Welcome back Storm Glass     

So sorry to hear you are going through a resurgence of symptoms at the moment, it is always a surprise to me at least when this happens and I often feel like I've failed. That's being hard on myself of course. When I look back at how frequent and severe my symptoms used to be I realize just how much progress I've made. Even accepting that I will never entirely conquer CPTSD is a step forward IMO. It's just so deeply etched in us, at the soul level I would say.

You can be honest here and no-one will look at you askance or judge you as being whiney or whatever. As NarcKiddo pointed out there is a journal section where you can explore/share your story in detail if that suits you.

I hope being here as part of your journey is helpful! 

[Chart]

Welcome Storm Glass, take your time, write what feels natural, or just read the other stories. I've found immense solace in recognizing in others' journals profound similarities with my own experience. Having spent so many decades confused and fundamentally lost, the realization that I'm not at all alone was immensely cathartic.
Do what feels best for you.
Sending support, Chart
 

[Hope67]

Welcome back Storm Glass.