I feel like a big mess

[trying2c]

We're adults ~ we've naturally developed (and gotten our long-time) physical "issues" diagnosed. In most of those cases, meds are necessary to treat them.

Like others, I have those issues. I just have more illnesses than most 54 year-olds.

Unfortunately, along with my physical disability, I have a lot of challenges due to the SA, PA,and EA that I went suffered throughout my childhood and adolescence.

The long- term major depression, anxiety, cPTSD added to those physical disabilities is completely overwhelming to me!

I have been trying SO hard, for SO long!! Dr's have Dx'd my emotional case very difficult to treat, due to both physical reasons, as well as how young I was when the abuse began. 

All of this feels just like a horribe mess to me... I struggle a lot with self-hate and hopelessness. :sad:

[Kizzie]

I'm sorry you feel sad and hopeless and like you're a horrible mess trying2c. I think most of us tend to feel that way at one time or another, it's the nature of this beast called CPTSD.

I found when I started to work on being compassionate (yes, it's work!) with myself, that's mainly what brought me up out of my dark place. We don't own any of what happened and what also helped me was working to put the responsibility where it belonged, on my abusers. Part of that meant letting the anger and sadness out rather than directing it at myself. And it meant fighting my shame; it didn't belong to me and I needed to say "No" to it.

This is just what helped me of course, I don't know what your journey is or will be like but I hope it helps even if just a little.