Calling someone out

[NarcKiddo]

I started an art course with a new teacher some weeks ago. A friend who had been to his classes before told me what to expect - which is actually that he does very little in the way of teaching. This particular group has been going for over 10 years. Basically you can just do your own thing and he will occasionally wander around to give helpful suggestions. He has given the occasional demonstration, which I have politely watched. I was not actually going there because I wanted formal teaching as such, so that was fine.

The class is very quiet. Two women chat to each other and there is occasional desultory chat within the group - usually prompted because someone asked a question. I have always participated in the desultory chat where appropriate.

The teacher makes the same comment on all of my work. Which is justified and fine and I agree with him. Most of the time I am planning to do x in due course. However I work slowly and build each part of a picture up in layers, so when he says "you need to do x" I do not rush to do x immediately because I am working on another section. I have explained this to him, although he seems not to hear me.

The course is ending soon. Next academic year he is running classes at a different time. The time clashes with a pre-existing exercise session so I will not be doing it. I told him this a few weeks ago when he brought up the subject. Yesterday he confirmed the new day and time, so I confirmed I would not be attending unless things change with my exercise class. He will be running occasional weekend days and I said I might attend some of those. All seemed fine.

At the end of class I left my equipment trolley and coat outside the classroom so I could go to the bathroom. As I came out to put my coat on I overheard the teacher and a classmate talking in the classroom. They could not see me. The teacher said "Oh and that other woman isn't doing the new course either." The classmate asked what other woman and the teacher said "Narckiddo. But I'm not surprised." Classmate asked why he was not surprised. Teacher said "Oh, NarcKiddo isn't at all interested." Classmate queried this and teacher said "No, she's not at all interested." Classmate asked why I would attend the classes if I was not interested (tone of voice implying that teacher is right - NK is weird) and teacher just insisted I was not interested in his classes. In a somewhat petulant tone as if I was somehow being insulting to him.

I was tempted to keep listening but I had called the lift and it had arrived, plus I did not want to be caught eavesdropping. So I left.

The thing is that I have become annoyed by what I overheard. It should not matter because I am not particularly sorry that I can't attend the new classes. The group does not really chat or engage so I have not made new friends there. I did not like to start chatting or looking at other people's work because it seems not to be the done thing there. I just kept myself to myself. The teacher did not really "teach".

Part of me feels I should just let it pass. But part of me wants to ask the teacher why he thinks I am not interested in his classes and what I should have done differently because maybe there is something to learn. And part of me wants to call him out because I'm angry that he would chat about me behind my back with a classmate and say things that are not true.

What I have no idea about is whether "normal" people would mention it to the teacher. I guess they would not if they were going to continue the classes, as that might be embarrassing. But I don't care if the teacher finds it embarrassing, and if I have done something wrong or been too reticent I might benefit from knowing for future reference.

[Blueberry]

I'm sorry to read you're going through this, NK! How rude and inappropriate and totally unprofessional of the art teacher to speak that way about you behind your back to another student!

...if I have done something wrong or been too reticent I might benefit from knowing for future reference.

Reading it, I doubt you've done anything wrong. So-called 'normal' people often know a lot less than we with cptsd do, at least in my experience. What would they do? Ignore it, not say anything, but possibly not be able to get past it. During stays with various people after I broke my ankle, I discovered how much 'normal', 'psychologically healthy' people are not quite as healthy as they think shall we say and that oftentimes I sense and feel a lot better than they do. I bet you do too. As for the teacher, who knows? I go back to - I doubt you're doing anything wrong, he's probably got some bugbear / bee in his bonnet so I'm not sure you could learn anything from him.    Unless similar comes up often between you and somebody in his kind of position?

If you feel up to it, I'd call him out, but that might just be me... Some people probably would not do so, cuz they'd say - come on, you're never going to see him again     but I'd say: call him out, I mean just because you're not going to see him again as of the next academic year, you still have a few classes left to sit there wondering and/or working to banish the thoughts from your head. Why not call him out? He has no power over you. In my case, calling somebody like that out would help Little Blueberries. Would it help a Little NK or Adult NK? Could be potentially healing? Then I'd definitely do it.

Hope this helps, ignore if not.

[NarcKiddo]

He has no power over you.

Thank you! You're so right. He only has the power I give him. 

[Kizzie]

If you're annoyed/angry (and I would be), maybe do yourself a favour, be straight, tell him you overheard what he said and ask him why he thinks you're not interested when you've told him on more than one occasion his class conflicts with another one you want to take.

I mean why would he say that? JMO but I do think what his said is a reflection of his own securities. That is, no matter that you've told him about the conflict he sees it as you not wanting to take his class and giving an excuse. It sounds like he feels somewhat rejected.   

People eh?