Was Told to Call a Hotline Because of my Sister?

[BlueMoon_]

So a while ago I tried to post about my sister's behaviour on another place online. However, the mods didn't let me post it because they said the behaviour it was about was too serious for their platform to help and urged me to call an abuse hotline over her behaviour, which was honestly a confusing suggestion to me.

She's pretty bratty, but calling an abuse hotline wouldn't really be needed in my opinion. Most of the ones online that serve my area are targeted to women facing physical violence from their partners. I don't know what they would even do for me if I called. We don't live together anymore and only meet on school holidays (we are both in college), and I'm graduating soon and honestly won't see her again after that most likely.

However, sometimes I think about the mods and how they were urging me to call abuse hotlines, and how deadly serious they were. I'll post what I posted there and see if you guys think it necessitates calling an abuse line.

I wrote that she:

- Calls me an idiot when I ask her things sometimes

- Makes fun of the sound of my laugh or how I talk

- Pokes, tickles, touches me in ways I don't like even after asking to stop. The worst is smacking me on the butt.

- Begs to eat my food often, and when I say no often eats it anyway. I wrote that this has happened in front of my parents and aunt, and when I get upset at her, no one does anything to scold her.

I think it's annoying for sure but I could never see myself calling a hotline over it personally.

[Blueberry]

What you list is abusive, some of it or similar I endured for years at the hands of my own FOO, including by my elder brother. Parents stood by and did nothing or joined in. I don't know about abuse hotlines myself, I never would have dared contact them because 'what happened to me isn't bad enough'. But I now know it's very very common on here to discount own suffering, own experience of abuse as 'not as bad as everybody elses'.

Maybe if you phoned one they'd give you a chance to talk without judging you? Just give you a chance to get it off your chest so to speak? Or confirm that what's happening is abuse. Or maybe most unfortunately they wouldn't understand emotional abuse or low-key physical (butt-sm...ing is deplorable, happened in my FOO too and was so damaging I can't even write the words down w/o half dissociating) and would make you feel misunderstood again. I can't say, I don't know. otoh the mods on that other forum probably have far more experience than me about how an abuse hotline might react.

A completely different possibility, since you're not immediately threatened, is writing here: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=43.0
This would be a letter to your sister that you never actually send. That way you can say everything you want to your sister within forum guidelines anyway and know you have people on your side understanding you (us on the forum). I found over the years on this forum that writing Letters of Recovery lessens the raw emotional pain, the anger, the feeling of helplessness and why-does-nobody-care etc etc. It also allows you to write directly to your sister, 'you did / are...'  not 'she did/ was / is.'

[NarcKiddo]

 

I agree the behaviour is abusive but I would also have concerns that a hotline might minimise it. I guess you would need to ask the person you spoke to right up front whether they are trained to help with emotional as opposed to violent abuse. I am not sure what facilities exist where you are. I think most of the hotlines where I am are geared towards those inclined to immediate self-harm or experiencing heavy physical violence.

I would completely lose my rag over somebody taking my food. I would expect family to scold somebody who stole food items from another - especially if done after being expressly asked not to.

[Kizzie]

I don't know about that other forum but I agree with BB and NK, she was/is being abusive because you've asked her to stop (tickling, eating your food) and she won't, and she demeans you. You're both college age so that means she  should be able to regulate her behaviour now. Even if you won't see her much, it's good for you to know you can for sure tell her firmly not to repeat about any behaviour like that, that it bothers you and you will not accept it.   

Talking with a therapist would not be a bad idea. It might be helpful to understand what emotional abuse looks like so you don't trip over it in other relationships in your life. As far too many of us know here, abusers often cloak their behaviour by minimizing it (Don't get so upset, I was only joking), gaslighting (You're just being too sensitive), and a host of other techniques meant to abuse in a covert way.  And until we are able to see the behaviour for what it is, we often get stung by it.