New here - looking for people who understand

[Unbrokencore]

Hi to everyone out there.
I'm a 30 year old female living in Europe. I was diagnosed with (c)ptsd in October last year which was huge for me because I finally had some answers. I've been in therapy for over half of my life and been diagnosed with different kinds of anxiety, OCD, hysteria (yeah I know it's not a real diagnoses but that's what the doctor said..), panic disorder, bpd, depression and so on. And all it took was one doctor who really listened.
My journey so far has been quite tumultuous. At first I didn't believe him. I told myself that other people had it worse, that I shouldn't be such a wuss, it hadn't been that bad. I felt like a fraud. Until I read a book by Stefanie Foo: what my bones know. And I suddenly realized: that's me! My world completely broke as I realized that there's a lot more wrong with me than I let myself believe.
I've been going to a new therapist for three months now. She's nice and I believe she knows what she's doing but I still feel alone. I've realized that I've let people treat me badly all of my life and I don't have many, if all, true friends. I have an amazing partner but he isn't very emotionally intelligent and the sanest person I know. He just doesn't get it. So this is me trying my luck at finding better people

Triggerwarning: SA
This is my story (very much shortened):
I grew up with divorced parents who were both traumatized in their own ways. My mom parentified me as a child and used me as her emotional punching bag as a teenager. My dad couldn't emotionally connect at all. He wanted me to be perfect and made it very clear that I wasn't. My dad had a lot of different girlfriend who all treated me badly. One of them even started stalking me and threatening to k*ll me after my dad left her.
When I finally got out of school I moved to a different country and tried to start a new life. Sadly I was SAd by my roommates boyfriend. I then had to quit school because of my mental health. My parents didn't want me to move back home so I had to move in with a man who treated me badly and SAd me.
When I finally left him life started getting better but then my father died and since then my symptoms (severe hypervigilance, anxiety, diarrhea when going somewhere I don't feel safe (almost everywhere), depression) have come back and I don't know how to get rid of them..

[Blueberry]

Welcome to the forum, Unbrokencore! I like your name, a statement that one important inner part of you is whole, in spite of all the terrible things you have endured.

[Kizzie]

I told myself that other people had it worse, that I shouldn't be such a wuss, it hadn't been that bad. I felt like a fraud. Until I read a book by Stefanie Foo: what my bones know. And I suddenly realized: that's me!

And that's what you will hear here too unbrokencore, that it was not you, it was what happened to you (quote from a book by Christine Courtois). There's some relief knowing yes we did have it that bad and to see that we all share common symptoms, but it is a hard journey to recovery. What helps is having each other. We're a community and one in which you can connect safely until you're ready to connect IRL. 

Welcome to OOTS 

[Hope67]

Welcome 
Hope