Glad to be here

[Marcine]

Hi everyone, I'm Marcine and I'm glad to be here. A bit about me...

When I was a Peace Corps volunteer in Africa 35 years ago, my perspective on the world and my life expanded massively.

Since then, my healing journey has led me through talk therapy, a CPTSD diagnosis, cancer treatment, martial arts, and time in wilderness.

Building self-trust and managing emotional flashbacks continue to be challenges.

I long for authentic connection with others, even though I fear being fundamentally unworthy. I'm ready to face this and experience the truth for myself. That's why I am here.

Thank you for reading.
~Marcine

[Blueberry]

Welcome to the forum, Marcine

I resonate a lot with the fear of being fundamentally unworthy. My fear has greatly reduced over time though, partially through being here on the forum.

I think we do have authentic connection with each other here on the forum, altho of course I understand wanting to have it IRL too.

I hope you can feel the support here on the forum too.

[Kizzie]

Hi Marcine and a warm welcome to OOTS      I'm glad you found your way here and please know that so many of us feel/felt the way you do - unworthy and lacking connection. I hope being here helps you on your path to recovery, to know you are not alone and that it isn't you, it's what happened to you (from a book by Christine Courtois).

[Marcine]

Thank you for the welcome, I appreciate it!

[Hope67]

Hi Marcine,
Welcome. 
Hope

[Jack Evans]

Hi Marcine,

You sound like an amazing person. Congratulations on your progress and your journey!

Jack

[Marcine]

Thanks, Hope.
And thanks, Jack. It has been a journey, sometimes I'm not so sure about progress... I've got enough decades under my belt to be able to rattle off a list of chapters in my life, but the truth is I haven't found my place in life. It's like being a misfit or fighting a strong current, even though I cherish the adventures and the learning.
And it's pretty lonely in the dark moments when I grapple with the sense that I'm doing life wrong, which slips into feeling like I am helpless and worthless.
I don't talk about this much. But it feels ok to share it here.

[Chart]

Thanks, Hope.
And thanks, Jack. It has been a journey, sometimes I'm not so sure about progress... I've got enough decades under my belt to be able to rattle off a list of chapters in my life, but the truth is I haven't found my place in life. It's like being a misfit or fighting a strong current, even though I cherish the adventures and the learning.
And it's pretty lonely in the dark moments when I grapple with the sense that I'm doing life wrong, which slips into feeling like I am helpless and worthless.
I don't talk about this much. But it feels ok to share it here.

Welcome to the Forum, Marcine. Your post really struck a cord in me. I really feel what you wrote. For me discovering Cptsd was a watershed moment. I'm still pretty lost two years on but I at least have a framework from where I can work. And sharing what we're going through here on the Forum is pure gold, it's helped me so much. Reading what you've written I feel less alone. Thanks and hugs if that's ok
:-)
Chart

[NarcKiddo]

Building self-trust and managing emotional flashbacks continue to be challenges.

These are challenges for many, if not all, of us here.

Welcome. I'm glad you found us.

[Marcine]

Thanks, Chart and NK. I'm glad I found you all, too