Generational trauma

[SpaceOddity]

Thank you for each and single one of you for being there as you are.  This community is needed.  I always find it extremely painful to introduce myself in a group setting.  Every emotion deemed unacceptable in society : anxiety, shame, anger, sadness, you name it, I carry since birth, even earlier I suspect – ages?    I was raised by a narcissist in a family riddled with mental health issues.  In the environment I grew in, crises were the norm, not the exception.   I was assigned to be the caretaker and ended up being the scapegoat, a very widespread scenario as I was about to discover decades later.  I learned early on that my feelings had to be repressed and my needs ignored in order to prioritize those of others.  I was used, abused, gaslit and made to be felt responsible for everything going wrong.   I was trained to endorse the role of victim, abuser or savior.  Of course, none of us were aware.  I learned that I needed to reinvent myself in order to function in society so I developed a fake persona.  I was never good at maintaining the facade.  Looking back, I am embarrassed at some of my behaviors, how delusional and out of control I was.   I made a fool of myself and earned a bad reputation.  I burned bridges.  I felt the need to self-quarantine and become self-aware.  I had to get in touch with my original blueprint that exists outside the trauma.  This is where I am at. I have a passion for the truth even when it hurts, an endless curiosity for myself and others and every living being on the planet.   I came to realize that generational trauma is rampant in our society and largely ignored. 

[Kizzie]

Hello and a very warm welcome to OOTS SpaceOddity     I could have written your post as I too grew up in a narcissistic family. It was like riding a roller coaster blindfolded or so I found. 

You will "fit" here nicely not to worry, we all get it and there's not much that hasn't been said here. Feel free to share more when you are comfortable doing so. A lot of us find the anonymity helps us to discover our true selves, no mask needed here!