Former Daddy's Girl

[GettingThere]

I've been writing songs for over 20 years, but I almost never share them with anyone. Last year, I shared a song I wrote at a women's centre group therapy meeting for survivors of child abuse. The other members of the group therapy were moved by the song, but only 6 people at the women's centre and one of my best friends have ever heard it. These are the lyrics to the song. I hope it finds someone who needs it.

Former Daddy's Girl

I was a daddy's girl
He pushed me on my swing
Told me about astronauts
And listened to me sing

I was a daddy's girl
His dream was to fly
And I wanted to watch him
Soar across the sky

He told me that he loved me
And I always believed it
He told me when he hurt me
He couldn't control it
I'd never let another man treat me that way
But I was a daddy's girl
So I looked the other way

He said the reason why
He threw me on the floor
Was just the brandy, no
He wouldn't do it anymore

I'd climb the tree out back
Look up at all the planes
For college I flew five hours
To be somewhere I was safe

He told me that he loved me
And I always believed it
He told me when he hurt me
He couldn't control it
I'd never let another man treat me that way
But I was a daddy's girl
So I looked the other way

He finally got his plane
I never watched him fly
In all those years he'd done too many things to make me cry
And in that final year
Before I left for good
I let go of the man I thought I knew in my childhood

He told me that he loved me
And I didn't believe it
I knew that when he hurt me
He could've controlled it
I'll never let any man treat me that way
Now I'm not a daddy's girl
I won't look the other way

Now I'm not a daddy's girl
I won't look the other way

[Dalloway]

This is a beautiful poem/song, I´m honoured to read this piece from your soul, full of emotions - I felt the pain and the sorrow of losing something very precious and realizing that something is irreversibly lost, but I also feel the strength and willingness to move on with your life (my interpretation, sorry if I missed the point). I felt every word of it.  Anyway, thank you for sharing 

[GettingThere]

Thank you so much Dalloway. Yes, you hit the nail on the head; that's pretty much exactly how I feel about my father. The relationship I thought we had was beautiful and worth fighting to save, but the man he told me he was never really existed at all. When I decided to go no contact, I thought "In order to stay alive, I need to love myself. But I can't love him and me. Because loving him is being unloving to me."

And in the end I chose me and that saved me so that I was able to have genuinely beautiful and healthy relationships with other people who are kind and real.

Thank you for reading 

[Dalloway]

And in the end I chose me and that saved me so that I was able to have genuinely beautiful and healthy relationships with other people who are kind and real.

It was surely a very tough decision, but I´m glad that you could benefit from it and that it made your life happier. 

[Saluki]

Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful song, Getting There.
I really, really needed to cry. I've been unable to sleep for the whole of last night and all of today because I've been in emotional turmoil about my daughter, who was also a daddy's girl and who bravely locked her daddy (my psychopath violent, alcoholic ex husband) in the garden for just long enough that we could escape with her little brother.
She was just 8 or 9 years old. I can't even remember and it's been a rollercoaster since.

He hurt us all so much and the absolute horrors of the reality of it all has done so much damage.

Now my daughter is an adult. He identifies as my son. He's a beautiful person underneath all that pain and anger.

And I've had to make some tough decisions this year after he violently assaulted me whilst shouting the exact words his daddy shouted at us all, when he was a daddy's girl, desperate to please him and not to abandon her... which was a regular threat to manipulate us all into submission.

I'm sorry, I came here to try to write a poem and instead I saw your song.

Thank you. I don't know what it was like from your perspective, but you helped me understand my lost son/daughter who needs to learn to love little her.

[Kizzie]

Bravo, you are most surely well on your way to getting there just as your pseudonym suggests. 

[GettingThere]

Thanks Kizzie