Blue Sky Blooming

[blue_sky]

I have been MIA the whole of 2024 I think. It was such a rollercoaster year. But Blue Sky is back and would like to start a new journal which finally feels like a "Recovery Journal" rather than just "Blue's blues".

I want to quickly wrap up my 2024 in this first Bloom because as much as it sucked big time, I do want to remember the whole "This too shall pass" and believe in it.

I was excited and looking forward to 2024. Especially the new job with more money and Japan trip.

The new company was horrible. I felt it in the 1st week itself but kept pushing myself and thought it would get better and that I would try one more week. Week turned into month and next thing I know it's 7th month and my depression was going in a steep downhill motion.
I enjoyed Japan trip in April. I thought a holiday would make things better.
My mother returned back to her country but then MIL came to live with us.

By September I couldn't recognise myself. I was constantly tired and couldn't focus on anything.
I applied for another job but I got grilled during the interview. I lost whatever self-esteem I had remaining.
I didn't show up to work for a week because my anxiety was over the roof.
With my doctor and therapist's help I managed to finally drive to work one day but couldn't even stay an hour. I just left and cried all the way back home.

Organised an urgent appointment with the doc and next thing I know, I'm admitted to the Psych Ward.

(Side note: I was still offered a job so I had something lined up. YAY)

It was going to be 2~3 weeks admission depending on my progress. The first week was horrid. I had to share a room, I felt super anxious and always on alert but tired and in bed most of the time. But I made sure I attended groups because Blue Sky doesn't like disrespecting others.

By second week I felt more comfortable walking around the ward, talking to my doc and nurses. I was introduced to another mood stabiliser that worked like magic for me and I started enjoying groups as well. I even went for Art Therapy and Hydro Therapy. At the same time I was even managing to get uni assignments done! Go ME!

Third week was a bit rough again. By now I liked being inside the four walls of the hospital. It felt safe there. Outside world sounded dangerous. And I didn't know what this new job would be like. A new company again, new people again, everything was scary.

But with the help and support from my doc, my therapist and my lovely partner, I came back home much stronger and for the first time in forever, I felt like a small part of me is healing. It's hard to describe the feeling. It's hard to know what worked at that Psych Ward because it was mostly just group classes like DBT and a few other engaging activities but I came out so much better.

Joined the new company in October and it has been much more pleasant working condition and my colleagues are nice too.

Blue Sky climbed Sydney Harbour Bridge for my own Independence Day in November. And by December, this surging rollercoaster was slowing down and I could finally step off and BREATHE.   

[Blueberry]

Go Blue Sky!    

[Papa Coco]

Blue Sky,

It's so great to have you back, stronger than ever. 2024 sounds like it was a novel unto itself. I'm very glad you survived it AND came out of it stronger than ever.

Your post is inspiring. I can feel the cheerfulness in your written voice, and it makes me feel a little cheerful too.

Good idea to change the title from "Blue's blues". That title was appropriate in 2023, but after rising up stronger in 2024, "Blue Sky Blooming" feels more appropriate to who you are now.

And congratulations on finding a new company that you more enjoy working with.

Happy 2025!!!! 

[NarcKiddo]

  

I'm so happy to see you!

[blue_sky]

Thank you guys 
It's so good to know that there are people who understand me and cheer for me in my smallest victories too.

Blue Sky has been able to keep blooming so far in 2025. One of my biggest achievements (at workplace) I have noticed this month is that I didn't call in sick or have annual leave for the whole month of March. It's a big deal for me because I find it extremely difficult to go to work post nightmares or when I am mentally and/or physically exhausted. Hoping I can keep this up for April as well. And I can't wait for Easter long weekend. I'm hoping to get a wall painted in my house with the help of my partner. Hoping it could be an activity we get to do together, let's see....

[Armee]

 

I'm SO GLAD to hear from you, and that things are going better with the new job.

[Blueberry]

Blue Sky has been able to keep blooming so far in 2025. One of my biggest achievements (at workplace) I have noticed this month is that I didn't call in sick or have annual leave for the whole month of March

    

That is huge! Well done.

[blue_sky]

It seems like Blue Sky bloomed once in March 2025 and then wilted away. I am so horrible with journaling when things are not too bad or when things have actually been good.

2025 was so much better. My international holiday in 2025 was to Canada. I can proudly say I've stepped foot in 3 continents now 

Work is alright. I definitely should be looking for jobs that are more inclined towards psychology than just stay with asbestos in my comfort zone. But haven't done that yet.

Study was good. Although I have another "pass" in my report (2 pass so far, rest have been credit or distinction).
I think this is my parents' voice though. That pass is just not good enough, that pass is unacceptable.
Although I do require a minimum average mark in order to get to the 4th year Honours Degree.

End of 2025 was productive. Hosted Christmas lunch for 22 people, painted couple of walls in the house.

Lots of EMDR work with little blue and teenage blue.


There were some hard days. It wasn't all rainbows and bright blue skies. In fact, just this morning I had a massive anxiety attack on my way to work.
No reasons, no explanations, no triggers (well I haven't figured any of these so far), just a lot of tears and emotions.
I had to pull up at a servo and grab some maccas to binge eat. (Petrol Station and McDonalds for my non-aussies, also flexing my Aussie slangs lol)
I had 2 cups of coffee and 2 breakfasts before 8.30 and 1 x 500ml energy drink before midday.


I just want to remind my own self that it's okay. I don't believe it right now. In fact I feel extremely guilty and angry for binge eating and pulling over and calling in sick yesterday and napping whole day being unproductive and for being a stupid, crying *curse word* for no reason.

But it's okay. It's okay to not believe it right now as well.

Hug to self 

[Armee]

Great to see you
 

Anxiety attacks. 

Always blew my mind that I could have such bad attacks and not even notice what the trigger was.

Good job in school and good job taking a day off to rest when you needed it.