Post-Traumatic Growth Journal

[SenseOrgan]

NarcKiddo
Thank you very much for that perspective, your support and kindness. There is a part of me who felt rejected because my instant yes to the group wasn't mutual. The despair that came up was the same that I feel when I am deeply in an EF. Connection, and the ability to make that happen, doesn't exist there. I feel like there are few places where it's safe to be me when I'm at my most vulnerable. A prerequisite. Very few. It took a lot of effort to find this group. There is no alternative that I know of around here. Perhaps it's like knowing which medicine you need, but it's uncertain if insurance will cover it, while paying out of pocket is not in the cards. I couldn't make parental connection happen as a kid, and there was no alternative for it. That's why these and other situations have such an impact. It goes straight to that existential despair, which is the very thing I want to decrease by joining.

I've been in a depression support group for eight years, and indeed a new person can significantly change the group dynamic. That happened quite a bit over the years. It's difficult to strike the right balance between guarding the safety of the existing group, and welcoming new members. I think these guys are doing an excellent job.

sanmagic7
Thanks big time my friend! Yeah, their approach is solid. I told them that this reassures me. It must be challenging for them too, to be in that position, since they are participants themselves.

HannahOne
Thank you for your kindness Hannah. It's a bit odd that this felt like a job interview. In the last bit, I told them that I was quite nervous, and one of them said they felt the same when in my position. It's simply a hurdle to take that can't be skipped. No matter how much I'd like to. I'm confident enough to believe I'll be okay once I can interact with the members. It's just difficult to give them an impression of what I'd be like in that setting. Fingers crossed.




I don't know how to write poetry. Something bubbled up I tried to capture. A note to self. A reminder. It needed more space in between the words than my usual writing. More silence.



Becoming worthy is to not see clearly.
Who you are.

To love you is not something to learn.
It's to see through what obscures.

You can't learn your natural state.
Already whole and complete.

You were born worthy.
You never were not.

Listen.
Remember.

The quiet voice.
Is your own.


Bliss - A Quiet Conversation

[HannahOne]

I think you know how to write poetry.


May you get the medicine you need.

Another poet for you:

Like plants,
the medicine
is everywhere.

--Paul Simon

[sanmagic7]

i think you do, too, SO.  it was a really lovely poem.  thank you for sharing it.

i like your analysis re: more space and silence.  i've written poetry that was loud and raucous. i see poetry as painting by the mind, words being the colors we choose.  everyone's palettes are different.  this was nice.  love and hugs