Desert Flower's Recovery Journal

[Chart]

Efs all around... tis the season apparently. But the advice and ideas are solid. Holding in line with you and all your work and suggestions. Doing my best to do the same. Love and hugs.
 

[Desert Flower]

 

[rainydiary]

Thinking of you as I think I just put myself into an EF without meaning to. I hope that you find some ease.

[Desert Flower]

I found some new Parts. For future reference for myself:

https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16377.msg147747#new

[Armee]

Hi Desert Flower. I'm sorry I have not been in any of the "newer" recovery journals. I just wanted to comment here so I'll be able to follow yours more easily with notifications.

I'm sorry it's been real difficult lately. Do take it easy, please. It is very possible to over do it as you know and then we go backward instead of forward. You know this but I'm repeating it as a friend and someone who has been there too. We need to see and feel these things but we can only take so much at a time before it backfires.

[Desert Flower]

Thank you Armee. You're right, I feel that I should be taking it slower, I will try to slow down.

[Desert Flower]

Doing okay today. Went to work and my reserved desk is so helpful. Keeping it together and that'll suffice for now.

[sanmagic7]

glad you're doing ok at the moment, DF.  i hope you get a few days of respite, at least.  love and hugs

[rainydiary]

Desert Flower, I am just stopping by to say I am thinking of you.

[Desert Flower]

Thank you dear friends. I am okay and taking it easy.
 

[Armee]

So glad to hear this. It is difficult stuff. 

[NarcKiddo]

 

[sanmagic7]

 

[Desert Flower]

I've not been writing much these past few days. Last Tuesday, I started to feel better after I went to the office, managed to be there and do some work and then in the evening did the very gentle yoga because the back pain was still lingering a bit. I don't usually 'allow' myself to do anything gentle, I usually do the most energetic yoga there is, just to wear myself out and then be able to relax a little bit. But it felt good to be gentle with myself.

And last Thursday, I told my t about the really hard stuff I'd been processing and we did EMDR with some of that and that really calmed me down.

I now feel kind of strange actually, because I've been calm ever since. Is this how regular people feel then? Almost boring ... Almost waiting for the next shoe/bomb/EF to drop.

I ordered some books about Dads and Father Loss because I now want to know the specifics of that.

Yesterday, my brother stopped by for dinner and he didn't ask about my therapy and I found that a little difficult, because he does know about it. Maybe he's afraid to ask. (I do know he's suffering too.)

And today we went swimming with the kids. I usually don't go because it's too much for me, all that noise and so many nearly naked people and my body being visible to all, all of it is so triggering. But I did okay, I accepted this is how it is mostly and the kids really liked it. (I read something about the Thalamus of traumatised people letting in much more information coming from the senses, just to be sure nothing dangerous is missed and this knowledge has made it easier for me to accept that for me, it really is difficult to be in such a situation with so many stimuli. So okay.)

[Chart]

Hey DF, me too I've always hated the pool. And for pretty much the exact same reasons you mentioned. Thanks for the thalamus info, I didn't know that. And me too I've done the pool but only for the kids sake...

I'm feeling better too and have been having similar thoughts about "when's the next EF?" As I now know full well I'm still far from being out of the woods.

The only thing that gives me hope is that through the cycle of EFs since a year ago, they have reduced in intensity each time they've sprung back up. It still sucks bigtime, and it's still horribly painful, but they're nonetheless slightly less intense each time back through. I see the downtime as pure vacation.