I Am

Started by Bach, August 12, 2024, 12:38:23 AM

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Blueberry

Quote from: Bach on December 06, 2024, 02:33:12 AMI need to stop looking at Facebook because every time I do, two things happen.  One is that I end up endlessly scrolling, clicking on stupid crap that might interest or entertain me for a few seconds but is ultimately just a waste of my time. ... I really need to find distractions that are more productive, or, at least, less toxic.

I saw this about 12 hours ago and thought "Me too", tho I'm just surfing around in general rather than being on Facebook, however it is similar. I have been on my computer most of the day, never doing anything productive: except I have avoided going back to bed and I have taken my meds, drunk tea etc and eaten veggies as well as less healthy stuff. So that last bit is all less toxic and more productive than staying in bed would have been... It may be different for you, but I'm just saying two things: 1) Maybe there's an actual reason behind what you are doing so it shouldn't automatically be called "a waste of time"   2) Baby steps - bit by bit

Quote from: Bach on December 06, 2024, 02:33:12 AMI need to stop looking at Facebook because every time I do, two things happen.    The other is that I see things that upset or scare me and then I have to put a lot of effort (and sometimes klonopin) into fending them off. 
I'm sorry you get that kind of reaction. I think I do too a little bit but it's deep down, I don't notice it immediately.

sanmagic7

i've been told by more than one person in my life not to start any social media account, bach, and i don't doubt their reasons for that match what you're saying.  i can get a little caught up in articles every so often, tho, so i get what you're saying.  it really can be addictive!  good luck w/ this.  love and hugs :hug:

Hope67

Hi Bach,
Sending you a hug  :hug:
Hope

NarcKiddo

I am an inveterate Facebook user, but over time I have found it easier to engage with what I like and ignore what feels dangerous or harmful. It's not always easy, though, and if you feel better off without it then I wish you the strength to keep away.
 :hug:

Papa Coco

#94
Bach,

I stopped looking at FB almost two years ago and it has been the best thing I could have done with FB. I keep the account so my Daughter-In-Law can share photos of the grandkids, but I only open it when I know she's posted pictures that I want to save on my PC. I estimate that I look at FB once every two to three months for about 30 seconds at a time. Maybe 4-6 times a year. But I make absolutely certain that I ONLY look at what my D-I-L has sent, and then I slam it shut.

I ABSOLUTELY believe that Social Media is the most dangerous weapon of mass destr---- that mankind has ever invented. And I really don't like knowing that it's even on my pc, even though I'm not looking at it. I just don't even like that it's there.

I was like you. FB kept me on high anger. Everytime I read a post from a Russian Troll or a trump-team traitor, I'd get angry and that anger would last for days.  It just wasn't worth it.

It was my experience that people use FB to show pictures of their meals and to brag about their vacations and new cars. They use it to air their grievances where they don't feel they can be slapped for what they say in public.

I view social media as the great intellectual void, where billions of people stand at the edge of and scream into it just to escalate the anxiety in the world.

Those are my OPINIONS. Some people like that type of hyper-anxious screaming into the void. I don't. I need calm and peace in my life. And now that I'm no longer viewing social media and no longer reading, viewing, or listening to the news, local AND global, my brain is a lot quieter at bedtime now. I still don't sleep as well as I want to, but at least politics and trolls aren't dancing around in my head while I'm trying to sleep now. It's a bit calmer inside my head now that I've stopped allowing that chaos in.

Neuroscientists have discovered that neuroplasticity is a real thing. If we bombard our brains with any information, our brains wire to it. If we need to change a thought pattern, we need to work at it, but with enough time and effort, we can change our neural pathways. Neurons that fire together, wire together. I wanted that political and social anxiety out of my head, so I had to change what I let my brain think about. It's a lot calmer in my head when I feed my brain calmer information. And I find NO peace on social media. Only anxiety, screaming into the void in a feeling that no one can slap us through the glass of our pcs,, so we say whatever we want to say.




Chart

I quit Facebook and Instagram awhile back, and am trying to quit YouTube Shorts at the moment. I still sometimes get sucked in, but I stay aware and recognize that I am dissociating. Slowly slowly. Just trying to reinforce positive things little bit by little bit. It's making a small impact but I sense the difference. Do what you can and forgive yourself the rest.
 :hug:

Bach

#96
Thank you for the replies, friends.  My efforts to stay off from Facebook have been semi-successful.  For the first several days, I didn't have any problem staying away, and I felt great relief.  But then I started going there again, first only once a day popping on to see if I had any notifications, then leaving right away.  After a few days of that, I started scrolling again, just a little, and not clicking any links.  Once a day became twice a day, just a little scrolling became just a little more scrolling.  This morning, I clicked a link.  Now I'm fighting the urge to give in and lose myself in it.  Exactly like an addictive drug.  Scary!  I feel particularly bemused remembering how resistant I was in the beginning to even sign up for an account, and how I finally did sign up because my 25-years-younger half-sister who I barely knew encouraged me to, and I thought it would be a way to develop a relationship with her.  Not to mention that the online communities I was part of started dying because everyone was leaving for Facebook.  Now 15 years later, I still don't have much of a relationship with the sister, communities on Facebook are far too large and scattered for me to feel comfortable in, and it seems that I'm hooked on hurting myself mentally by hanging around on the periphery of everything looking for I don't even know what and getting anxious and dismayed both by the world I see there and the reflection of my isolated self. 

I long for connection.  But I cannot sustain it.  It's too scary.  The more I like someone and want to interact with them, the more afraid I get to even try.  I am not well, not well at all.

In other issues, my self-harm scars have started itching lately.  I desperately regret them.  Along with everything else I've ever not done, or done wrong.  I am not well, not well at all.  But I said that already, didn't I.

Blueberry

Hugs, Bach. It's OK to repeat stuff on OOTS, if you need to, e.g. not doing well, even more so on your own Journal.

I'm sorry your scars are itching. Is there any kind of cream/ointment that can give relief?

Please try not to be too hard on yourself, about past stuff or present stuff.

Armee

 :hug:

Try a nice smelling soothing lotion on your scars. They deserve care. Like you.

sanmagic7

i agree w/ blueberry and armee.  do what you can when you are able.  in the meantime, i'm sending love and a hug filled w/ care. :hug:

Chart

 :yeahthat:
Quitting anything can take time, and backsliding is absolutely par for the course. When you are ready, try again, go back to step one. This time you might stay off longer, never go back, or repeat the cycle yet learn something important for yourself. Learning each time is maybe the key.
Take care of yourself Bach, you are not alone.
 :hug:

AphoticAtramentous

Hey Bach, I am rooting for you. As you mentioned before, perhaps it would be helpful to find another distraction to replace it with? In my journey of abandoning social media, I found that idle hands were my worst enemy. When I had nothing to do, it was all too easy to just... start scrolling. So, maybe plan ahead for something you can do when idle? It could be a new book to read, a TV show you've been meaning to watch, meditation, or maybe solve some puzzles? Just my recommendation, which you are welcome to ignore of course. :)
Wishing you well.

Regards,
Aphotic.

Bach

Today is the third straight day of blustery cold winds.  My house is not particularly cold or drafty, but wind around my house makes NOISE.  It sounds like thunder.  Or war!  Between that and the reports of the fires in California and my heightened emotional state from all this intense unexpected ongoing dialogue with Other, I am wildly overstimulated, on high alert.  I get so tired of being afraid all the time!

Chart

Wind stresses me too, Bach. It's weird, I don't know why... Sending good thoughts...
 :hug:

sanmagic7

hey, bach, those fires have really triggered me, too, especially, i think, cuz i had to evacuate a few years ago during a firestorm near where i lived.  it's a horrible thing.  very sorry about this, the other,  and the wind causing you such distress.  sending love and hugs  :hug: