Reminder of How Far We've Come

[dollyvee]

I'm not sure if this should be here or in advocacy, but I came across this interview from a (local?) TV station in the early 80s. This was about the time I was taken to her clinic to be evaluated for CSA.

I was reading some of my gm's psychological reports to my t recently and she mentioned that the psychologist's response was interesting, and that there was no mention of plan or action to be taken regarding the CSA, just the actions of my gm. I said yes, but this was the 80s and she said maybe the 80s in Canada, which is not a great statement to me. I'm posting this because I think it's important to remember, for our own experiences, that this stuff wasn't talked about 40 years ago when it was likely happening to some of us on here. She even mentions her own experiences 20 years prior (to 1984 when the interview was given), and says that at that time incest "didn't exist." When she went to the police about her father, they asked her why she was trying to get him in trouble. Not only that, but her family reacted as if it was her that was the issue.

I think the statistics she mentions are also striking regarding the inception of the sexual abuse victims clinic where, before it's founding and community work, there was one CSA conviction (or brought to court), and after there were 74 cases that were brought to court/convicted. So, it's not like this stuff didn't exist, it was just hidden in the community and the weight of that born by the victims themselves.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJbVyebG5jw&t=1501s

[Phoebes]

Wow, she is truly remarkable. Thank god for people like her. It makes me so angry for what so many have gone through at the hands of, well, apparently most men. I've felt this a lot lately, the willful ignorance of society and the importance of parents denials for their own comfort at the expense of the children. If ever there was a definition of evil. And it's taken so many years and research to determine children don't make this stuff up. How could they? Why did adults say that for so long? (And still do)

When the (very interruptive) interviewer asked what we should do about "these 12 y.o, girls lifting their skirts" I almost didn't realize what he meant at first, because my SA gf, I heard him say in the other room (in the 70's) "what am I supposed to do when she wears those tiny little shorts?" As if a child's clothing is the cause of them not controlling themselves.. but, then I realized he was describing the (victimized) girls and I thought what an odd way to ask that question as an interviewer.

I'm so sorry this is your experience, dolly. Thanks for sharing this.

[NarcKiddo]

Yes, we have come a long way.

I also am not surprised that the family reacted as if she was the issue. There is a long history in the world of women being the "temptresses" and the men not being able to help themselves. Even when society has moved on there are still areas where this way of thinking persists. My mother, for example, very much buys into the idea of young girls being Lolitas and tempting the men. It's really quite revolting but among her group of friends she is not the only one who thinks this way. And although I do not think her friends would condone incest, I have a very nasty feeling that my mother would.

[Hope67]

Hi Dollyvee,
Thank you so much for sharing this - I have just listened to it, and found it really helpful.  It's made me feel quite emotional, so I'm going to exercise some self-care. 
Hope

[dollyvee]

I'm really glad that this resonated with you all.

Phoebes, I'm sorry that was your experience with your gf. That's disgusting and I'm angry on your behalf that that was your experience and that you probably weren't protected from that. Like NK said, there is a weird dynamic in this culture with things like that. It's a whole other topic, but sometimes I find myself being "drawn into" a dynamic where I'm supposed to be jealous of these young girls because they look a certain way, and the men strut around "protecting" them. Maybe this is some of my own stuff, but it's inherently built into the perpetrator's favour to not even understand the implications of this Lolita dynamic. These aren't my feelings though, but I often feel that I'm supposed to feel that way.

Like Phoebes, I thank thank god too, for people like her and what courage it took to do that. I can't imagine the backlash. The Courage to Heal didn't come out until 1988 and there was a profound backlash against that. I also thought it was quite poignant that she spoke about something she was doing around her children and she realized that she needed to step up and do things differently. I also found the lack of support from the governing agencies alarming and the interviewer was almost a caricature of the old, white man? He told her that she was establishment and not one of these "radical feminists" that the government is supporting, and how those lovey-dovey (?) programs didn't work. Unfortunately, I think they're attitudes that are still very much present today, just better hidden and where ideas like that are just better attacked.