Don’t know if I should go to family event

[Phoebes]

So, a sibling is getting married. I have a decent/good relationship with this sibling and don't want to be no contact with her.

However, everyone who I have issue with will be there. NM and her husband, who I am no contact with, LC dad and stepmom, and a sprinkling of " family is everything" aunts, and uncles who have treated me different since they caught wind. I am no contact with my mother, sort of held out hope for far too long something might change. Last thing that happened was my stepdad texted me that she is "granting me my wish and letting me go for good." so that says the narrative is still all twisted around and that there is no hope.

It's a small wedding in an intimate space. I want to support my sibling, but I don't know if I should just go and ignore everybody, or make a huge statement by not going. I know if I don't go it will be a huge deal to family who are there, and it will probably mean that I am now no contact with my entire family. it's just an example of how I'm the one who's ostracized for not taking abuse anymore.

I don't really want to miss her wedding, but it is very overwhelming and I'm kind of pissed that it's set up to where I have to choose. I also think it's sort of silly to be marrying someone she hasn't known that long. I've only met him three times and never met his large clan of young children. I feel like she doesn't really care how I feel about it which is normal but maybe we're not as close as I always thought we were.

[Blueberry]

This kind of FOO stuff is soooo difficult. At least in my experience.

Is there a middle road possible? This kind of option was suggested to me: turn the invitation politely down but suggest you join them later for an important occasion?

If you have good contact with a sibling, I don't believe that declining her wedding invitation should make her go no contact with you. If it does, then imho very sadly the contact might feel good on your side but isn't so much on hers. "Not going" doesn't have to be understood as a huge statement.

Weddings are important but so is your emotional well-being!

[Phoebes]

Thank you for your response, blueberry. I do agree with what you're saying. It's hard. And the closer it gets the more I'm feeling depressed and panicky about the situation. I'm really struggling lately for multiple reasons, and this is just coming along at a really bad time adding to it.

I'm going to keep thinking about what you said, and what my truest gut feeling is in the end. I wish I could just be happy and enjoy the wedding, but then I already know I don't live in fantasyland anymore.