Spanking is Abuse Part 2

[Phoebes]

I've often thought if I was born with some sort of special need or behavioral issue, I'm not sure I'd be alive now. There was zero patience or understanding for child-like behavior or even speaking or having an opinion. If I had inadvertently made noise or been defiant I'd be dead. I've often wondered why my teachers never checked on me. I know I had many signs of abuse. I was good at hiding it most of the time because I made good grades and didn't make a peep. It baffles me how "acting out in school" is a known sign of abuse because the last thing I would do is that, lest it be really bad at home.

[Little2Nothing]

I had a school counselor in middle school that tried to come along side me, but my attitude and behavior was so bad she gave up. 

I think, especially back then 60's, trauma wasn't a thing. What people saw was the beligerence of a snot nose teen and pegged me as a bad apple. The fact is I was a bad apple. 

Even today with the knowledge of the effects of trauma on kids there is insufficient training for those who interact with abused kids. Plus you have those who naturally have little tolerance for kids that act out or they have unresolved trauma of their own. 

I fear there is no simple fix. 

[AphoticAtramentous]

I've often thought if I was born with some sort of special need or behavioral issue, I'm not sure I'd be alive now. There was zero patience or understanding for child-like behavior or even speaking or having an opinion. If I had inadvertently made noise or been defiant I'd be dead. I've often wondered why my teachers never checked on me. I know I had many signs of abuse. I was good at hiding it most of the time because I made good grades and didn't make a peep. It baffles me how "acting out in school" is a known sign of abuse because the last thing I would do is that, lest it be really bad at home.

Absolutely...
I know everyone's trauma impacts them in different ways but one of the core parts that separates my trauma from others' is that fear of pain... I didn't backchat, complain, express my opinion, or act out. I wanted to, but I didn't, because I didn't want to get hurt. In school, I was practically a model student. I did what I was told, I got good grades. But this was only so that when I got home I wouldn't get hurt.

Occasionally I hear someone else talk about how they fought back against their parents or superiors and it immediately puts me into a panic mode and all I can think of is "Don't do that, don't do that, don't do that." In the past I've even actively outwardly told them that, to not fight back, because I didn't want them to get hurt. My endured physical abuse was so ingrained in me that I thought the physical harm was a global phenomenon, just a fact of life, and I wanted everyone else to also be quiet, for their own safety. It's taken me a long time to realise that this is not reality, and that it's okay for me and others to speak up.

On the part 1 of this thread I wrote a post in 2017 how I had overcome my natural instinct to flinch at sudden hand gestures. It's just nice to realise that this is still the case, and be happy that I'm no longer afraid of something as small as someone raising their hand for a high-five...

Regards,
Aphotic.

[Phoebes]

I totally get that, too, Aphotic. It's sad that some parents train their kids to be in panic and fear all the time. We had way too much on our little brains..not much time for play and discovery, or developing interests. You were clearly a very caring, empathic kid who deserved to be seen for that, not taken advantage of.

As I got a little older like in Ms and Hs, I would feel more like I was envious that some people were "allowed" to voice their opinion without getting in major trouble. I think I still feel that way. I had a problem with a lifetime of abuse, so I'm the one alone. Had I known all of what I was experiencing would just be turned around on me, I would have left asap and never looked back..

[Saluki]

I've not read everything in this thread by any means but I wanted to add to it.
I was very frightened of my mother as a child and still am.
My memories of spanking involved my mother commanding my dad to pull down my pants and smack me on the bum. Sometimes she commanded him to use the belt. He never did this independently of my mother commanding him to do it.

My mother took me into the attic and whipped me with a horse whip. My dad wasn't aware of this.

The paedophile who paedoed me from age 5 to 15 started his abuse by asking me "Does your dad pull your pants down and spank you?"

I nodded yes. I wish I hadn't.

Every single week he'd pull down my pants, put me over his disgusting old man knee and spank me and grope my private parts and more. I fing hate him.

He told me that if I didn't do what he said he'll tell my dad so my dad would spank me too because I'd been a naughty little girl.

If my dad hadn't spanked me, I would have said no wouldn't I? He'd probably have just found a different way to abuse me.

But I know abusers test kids to see if their families will go to the police. He groomed my dad and my mother too.

Disgusting paedo.

My mother later told me my dad was abusive because he smacked my bottom, with zero concept that I remembered that she was commanding my dad to do so. I was never scared of my dad and I have zero memory of him ever hurting me, but when she whipped me it hurt so badly.

I was absolutely terrified of her.

When I went to the police about the paedo my dad supported me and my mother was defensive and weird.

My mother blamed me for being paedoed and raped and called me a prostitute and a little slag same as the paedo did.

I think I actually hate my mother.