Any help out there for spouses?

[ding dong]

Hello, I was wondering if there are any articles that can explain our situation to our other halves?
I am just  coming to terms with all this and my wife is finding it very overwhelming to say the least.
I am slowly changing my whole way of thinking and living and suddenly facing things I always ran away from.
I am telling her I love her and am hugging her and smiling a lot more.
She is confused by this sudden change in me.
I have showed her a few things on the internet but because she was raised with love she doesn't really understand what I have been through.
Does anyone know of an article or something which isn't too jargon laden that would help to clarify our trauma?
thanks in advance

[C.]

One thought that comes up off the top of my head is adult "attachment" styles.  There's some great info. online that describes the three main types.  It helped my bf to understand his "normal" experience and understand mine.

The other is to simply let the person know in general your experience.  Like I've told a couple of close friends that when I experienced any pain, sadness, fear, or anger as a child I was not provided w/the normal nurturing a child needs.  As a result now I sometimes experience these emotions "bigger."

The last thought is to help her understand an EF and triggers.  These often affect a relationship so being able to have clear communication about them helps.

Good luck w/helping her understand.  That's heartening to hear that you have a loving and supportive partner.

[ding dong]

Hi C  Thanks very much for the reply. I am so glad I have found this place where we can all help each other come to terms with the * we have to deal with. I will press on with educating her and I know that we have turned a corner in our lives together.

[Kizzie]

I am slowly changing my whole way of thinking and living and suddenly facing things I always ran away from. I am telling her I love her and am hugging her and smiling a lot more. She is confused by this sudden change in me.

Hi DD - That's lovely to hear      You might also give her a link to Pete Walker's web site http://www.pete-walker.com/ - he is a therapist who has CPTSD himself and his writing really captures the essence of what we struggle with. There's also a good article here by Dr. Courtois - http://www.c-ptsd.org/.

[ding dong]

Hi Kizzie 

Thanks for the reply. I have not been on this site for a while as I have had some severe EMs of late.
I am only 6 weeks into this recovery. It is obviously the hardest thing I have ever had to face in my life. Anyway  a few weeks back I thought I had this thing boxed off nice and neatly but it then kicked me like a mule. My NM is still in my head but I will dislodge her some day soon or not so soon but I will dislodge her. Thank you

[C.]

Hello again,  I just read your post and I'm sorry that you've had such a difficult time recently.  I hope that you have people close by whom you can call if you're feeling that way now or again.

There's also a link at the top of the page "If you are in crisis" with web site and phone numbers to call.  I've called the number before and it's very helpful.  There's someone available immediately to talk w/you and help you out of dangerous thinking.

In spite of your challenges I see that you've become aware which is an important step in recovery.  You are no longer in denial.  I hope for the best for you today and in to your future.

[Kizzie]

Hi Ding Dong - I am so sorry you've had such a difficult time and echo C's suggestion that you reach out to any of the organizations listed under "If You are in Crisis" at the top of the page. C reached out, I too have reached out and it truly helps, we are living proof   

[smg]

Hi Ding dong,

I hope that you are feeling safe right now. I want to congratulate you for being only 6 weeks into recovery, and already connecting differently in real life, and reaching out online too. You must have a lot of inner strength and resources, that may be hard to see from the inside, but I can tell are there.

I don't have a spouse, but I do have a very good friend whom I call most days. She's listened through a lot of crying and anxiety. I alternate between feeling accepted by her, and sometimes feeling misunderstood. I know that my friend is very visual, so one thing that helped her to understand (and me to trust a little more that her acceptance was real and founded on understanding) was to go on my computer and look at some of the paintings by the late psychotherapist and author, Alice Miller. I could then explain that my childhood felt like those paintings, and that flashbacks trapped me back into that feeling. (http://www.alice-miller.com/gallery/index.htm). Also, one day my friend found a news article about childhood trauma creating different wiring in the brain, and that prompted some good conversation about how my experience of the world is different.

smg

[ding dong]

Hey smg   Thanks for the kind reply. Hope your recovery is going well. Take care

[papillon]

Wanted to post this for anyone who might have the same question.

This article helped me get the discussion going without having to actually verbalize a lot of the emotionally-charged things that this topic is inherently tied to.

http://www.dabs.uk.com/information/guidance-for-partners-of-survivors-of-childhood-abuse

[Dutch Uncle]

Possibly this thread was started before a separate sub-forum was created.

There now is a section When Someone in Your Life has CPTSD where people share their experiences on how their life is affected by a partner with cPTSD.