Saying Hello

[Stella]

Hi everyone

I'm 42 and from the UK.   

I was emotionally abused and neglected throughout my childhood by my uNPD mother and my alcoholic father.  My father died last year and I have limited contact with my mother now.  I've been in therapy for years and am very slowly getting there I think. Reading Pete Walker 6 months ago was a huge turning point and helped me to recognise the extent of the trauma I went through and its unrelenting nature.  It was the concept of being trapped and unable to get away that helped me to see where I was and where I am.

I've been lurking for a few months and hope now that I am brave enough to post.

Stella

[Dyess]

Welcome Stella 

[Stella]

Thanks for the warm welcome.  I am pretty scared about posting.  I am not great at letting myself be vulnerable and trust is most definitely an issue.  I do trust my therapist - she is brilliant, but that has only, truly happened in the the last two years of our five year relationship.  I spent an awful lot of time saying she wouldn't be there if it wasn't for the money.  I don't trust anyone else though.  I have very few friends and although I love my partner, I don't trust him.  Not in the going through his texts kind of a way but in a sharing my true self kind of a way.  So I guess I'm looking for some people who understand all of this - does that make sense?

[Rrecovery]

Hi Stella and Welcome     What you say definitely makes a lot of sense.   Rebuilding trust in people after being so terribly betrayed and abandoned in childhood is so very difficult.  I'm glad that after lurking you came to conclusion that this seems like it might be a safe place for you.  I have found it to be a real blessing; it is helping to restore my own sense of trust that there are some people who are/will be there for me.  I look forward to getting to know you better 

[Stella]

Thanks Recovery - I'm really hoping to fit in here