Experience of coming out of EF

[Miyagido]

I'm curious to know what experiences people have had of being out of an emotional flashback.

I think I've been in an emotional flashback continuously for at least the last 6 years, I've been in a chronic state of tension, hypervigilance, feeling disconnected, invisible, disassociation. Triggered, I now come to think, by my relationship. A few weeks following starting couples and some individual therapy something strange happened - I felt connected - colours seemed vivid, smells were beautiful, my brain went quiet and calm except for a single internal voice, the chaos was gone, I felt centered, my muscles were relaxed, I could feel emotions again and felt excitement, joy, and motivation. This lasted a week, unfortunately an argument with my husband triggered me back into a state of tension and disconnection - and I've been this way since.


I've been wondering whether my week of feeling connected with my brain and body is what it feels like to not be in a state of EF? Has anyone experienced anything similar?

[tofubreadchillicoriander]

Before my mental breakdown due to countertransference with my previous schema therapist, I was out of emotional flashbacks - I could regulate even when I was on the receiving end of abuse from others (toxic workplace). After my mental breakdown I'm worse. Besides a headache at the back of my head, almost everything triggers me and I've the impulse to turn violent towards things and others. So I get it.

[Kizzie]

I've had times where things have been so lovely and vivid and it is wonderful I agree. It's certainly something to work towards and it sounds like therapy helps you with that which is awesome. 

[Armee]

I'm glad you had a brief lovely break there. Yes I've had very similar experiences including vision changes that I was very grateful for. And also the slide back. That's normal. Each time though you have a positive stretch you learn what you are aiming for. Welcome here. 

[Blueberry]

I think I've been in an emotional flashback continuously for at least the last 6 years, I've been in a chronic state of tension, hypervigilance, feeling disconnected, invisible, disassociation. Triggered, I now come to think, by my relationship. A few weeks following starting couples and some individual therapy something strange happened - I felt connected - colours seemed vivid, smells were beautiful, my brain went quiet and calm except for a single internal voice, the chaos was gone, I felt centered, my muscles were relaxed, I could feel emotions again and felt excitement, joy, and motivation. This lasted a week, unfortunately an argument with my husband triggered me back into a state of tension and disconnection - and I've been this way since.

Welcome to the forum, Miyagido!

EFs are kind of complicated, I think. I mean, the brain is complicated and the understanding of trauma is still very much developing. I experience what I think are different levels of EF - like a full-blown one which might not exist that long or a less intensive one that seems to go on for weeks or maybe months especially in the past. I'm in one atm that is taking a while but due to some healing on my part I think it might not take 6 months which might have been the case years ago.

I've been wondering whether my week of feeling connected with my brain and body is what it feels like to not be in a state of EF?

That sounds plausible. Because depending on how dissociated (or not) I am - well that affects how connected my thoughts, emotions and physical feeling is. When that's all disjointed and I don't want to feel anything or remember anything, then I don't feel anything in the present either - no joy, no motivation, I don't even notice nice colours or the feeling of a bit of fresh air on my face or anything like that.

[Miyagido]

Thanks all for your insights. Indeed it is so complicated. I wonder whether it was related to a feeling of emotional safety for the first time, being heard and validated by the therapist. After living in a family were feelings were not spoken about and shamed or denied, and then replicating this pattern in my relationship. I am so used to numbing out and being guarded - my body may have 'opened up' to feeling again, at least for a bit.

[Kizzie]

That's entirely possible and how lovely is it to know what it can feel like on the other side  Makes working away in therapy and on your own worth it.