Being Witnessed

[Ghost]

I struggle a lot with being seen. Being seen for who I am or what happened to me or in general triggers big feelings of shame and fear. My therapist uses the phrase "being witnessed".
It's made it very difficult to do normal things like go to the grocery store or see family. I don't want anyone to physically see me. I feel very judged by friends and family for not being able to be present most of the time, which is probably just seeing through my trauma lens.

Does anyone else deal with this? And do you have compassionate ways of getting things done?

Thank you

[Kizzie]

Just my thoughts Ghost but writing posts here is a way of being seen but staying safe.  I didn't want to be seen either because I had learned that wasn't safe and I didn't think I had much to offer.  So I started posting at our sister site Out of the FOG and then started this site and little by little let more of me be 'seen' in what I wrote about.

That led to me wanting to physically see other people and have them see me but still in a safe way so I started Zoom group therapy and then two Zoom groups here. It's going quite well but it took a while to get to this stage and that's OK.   

It's unlearning what we needed to do because of our trauma bit by bit so we're compassionate towards ourselves.  I tried ripping the bandaid off when I started in recovery and that had me run for the hills so to speak.

So I guess take your time would be my suggestion and be kind to yourself above all else. 

[Bermuda]

I also struggle with this. I don't know what to say. I guess the way I cope is to pretend to be someone else, and I don't think that is a very healthy approach at all. I just returned from Uni for example, and to make this bearable for me I need to dress a very specific way and wear my hair a very specific way. If I can't do my routine of creating the person who in seen in university building, I fall apart.

It is so much better than it used to be. I want people to see me. I am just not sure who that is or if that feels safe.

I don't have much advice, but you are not alone in this. I also have done as Kizzie mentioned, and it was bad. If I force myself out I will end up feeling extreme shame and embarrassment whether justified or not. I don't know if that's what happens with you, but being gentle. Sometimes we need to nurture ourselves. Just sitting and listening to our own feelings in a non-judgemental way is a good start. A lot of us missed that, and need that.