Therapeutic Approach to Inner Critic

[gcj07a]

Pete Walker in his book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving suggests a very combative approach to the inner critic via thought stopping and telling the critic to "shut-up", etc. He views the inner critic as a foreign invader to be fought and vanquished.

However, I have had some success with an IFS (Internal Family Systems) T who wants to integrate the critic and express gratitude for all the ways the critic protected me during my trauma but relieving the critic of this responsibility going forward.

I guess the question comes down to how one thinks about the critic: is the critic part of me and therefore needs to be accepted and integrated or is the critic part of my abuser that has been left with me and I need to excise it?

Any thoughts?

Thanks!

[woodsgnome]

The inner critic seems crucial but difficult to deal with. Here's my current take.

I envision the brain as a sort of inner room. Which means I can redecorate it to suit my needs!

While I've tried the "shut up" command with some success per my T's suggestion some time ago I recently changed tactics a bit per considering the brain to be a separate room; and a place where the icr loves to hang out, a sort of unwanted permanent co-resident, so to speak.

So in redesigning the space, I visualized it as a real room and decided it might work to confine the icr to a closet in the mind's room.

Seemed good, until I still felt uncomfortable about it. So -- I decided to build the icr its very own, and very separate, room. The icr loves to feel important, and having, at last, his own room -- wow, it makes him special, and not some pesky irritant. Remember, we're talking visualization and imagination here.

In addition to his own room, I fitted it up like a home theatre, complete with films of my old life, the one he loved to denigrate and make me feel bad about. So key to the theatre are all those old films, plus scrapbooks and items like my old journals which were filled with the downside of cptsd -- anger, shame, self-depredation, deep depression, even touching on years when I teetered on the edge of staying alive when all felt so hopeless. Of course the icr loved every minute, but with the new room all his own, wow -- he loves it.

So that's my present modus operandi shoo him off to his special room where he can be as cozy, sinister, and smug about 'poor me' as he wants; and not ever emerge for a dearth of his sort of entertainment.

I know. It's all so 'unreal,' right? Well, doesn't seem unreal when one considers the other 'reality' of living with the lifelong hazards around cptsd, all of which has seemed more real than anything. So creating 'his' own space and stocking it with items he'll love having at least gives me a creative space of my own -- my own mind's room designed with regard for my own needs to distance myself from the icr character.

My mind's room feels more peaceful minus his yapping. 


 

[CactusFlower]

Woodsgnome, I love that idea!  I might have to try that. I've taken the "scientific" approach with my IC, as in telling him how completely unlikely it is that what he is "worst-case scenario"-ing about. I'll admit it doesn't always work and it can be tiring. Your method certainly sounds more gentle and accepting.

gcj07a - I've read the book as well. I don't think we can ever truly excise an IC, merely tone them down to a realistic and less hurtful level. Again, that's just my opinion. I think being human and being able to contemplate our past means we can always see where something could have happened differently and/or better. It's like constructive criticism versus non constructive. It can hurt, or it can be used to improve things. At least with therapy, I am able to point to my abuser and see how the IC's more hurtful words come from him. Knowing that, I can then say that it's not me thinking those things, it's a tape/programming. It sure takes a LOT of practice to remember that, though. Those reactions can be gut-level from being said so much back then.  I hope this made sense.

[NarcKiddo]

I've only just started reading the book so I have not formed an opinion on the concept of the IC far less considered my own IC and how I deal with it.

But I do love Woodsgnome's idea and I am certainly going to bear it in mind. It has similarities to the way I currently try to treat my mother, my main abuser, with whom I am still in contact. I used to spend an awful lot of energy trying to show her that I am worthy and capable. Now I am far more likely to let her think whatever the heck she wants to think. I haven't yet got to the stage of feeding her narrative with figurative films and scrapbooks, but that sounds rather fun, in a perverse sort of way.

[Bermuda]

This is such an interesting thread. It's a shame I missed it until now.

I think sometimes my inner critic is often part of myself and sometimes it is the voice of another. I treat them differently. It's easier to be reasonable and to reason with my inner critic when it is a part of me. I can tell myself that was then and this is now. I recognise how I feel, but I can be rationalise my emotional response. That definitely helps me.

When the inner critic is a voice from my past, reason doesn't work. You can't reason with narcissist even if they are just a blip burrowed into your brain. I find it easier just to distance myself from that voice, as I would have from that person who the voice originally belonged to. It's not me, it's them. I recognise that voice as their voice, and it will never be honoured. I do find myself arguing with them a lot, but doing that is triggering. It's more harmful than helpful to engage with the unwelcome intruder.

[Blueberry]

I think sometimes my inner critic is often part of myself and sometimes it is the voice of another. I treat them differently. It's easier to be reasonable and to reason with my inner critic when it is a part of me. I can tell myself that was then and this is now.

 

btw IC stands for Inner Child. Inner Critic is ICr!! In this thread the usage is clear to me in everybody's posts, but not always. Sorry, just one of my bugbears  

As woodsgnome says, we're talking visualization and imagination so ime whatever works for each of us is a good thing, and it may not always be the exact same thing that works for each of us, including therapists with cptsd (like Pete Walker) and theorists without.

I don't think we talked much at all about my ICr in my inpatient T, at least not under that name. We talked about and worked with Parts and occasionally modes. Parts in my case often represent as children of different ages. We did work with them.

afaik the idea of ICr being part of my abuser who needs to be eradicated is no longer supported in the trauma T community. At least in the German one, which is where I am. According to my inpatient T last year and this year. The brain is very complicated, the psyche is very complicated. Hope this helps some way, gcj.

[gcj07a]

All of this is super helpful. Thank you!

So -- I decided to build the icr its very own, and very separate, room. The icr loves to feel important, and having, at last, his own room -- wow, it makes him special, and not some pesky irritant. Remember, we're talking visualization and imagination here.

In addition to his own room, I fitted it up like a home theatre, complete with films of my old life, the one he loved to denigrate and make me feel bad about. So key to the theatre are all those old films, plus scrapbooks and items like my old journals which were filled with the downside of cptsd -- anger, shame, self-depredation, deep depression, even touching on years when I teetered on the edge of staying alive when all felt so hopeless. Of course the icr loved every minute, but with the new room all his own, wow -- he loves it.

Woodsgnome, that is fantastic. I like that a lot. I think that sort of imaginative work is precisely what I need to do to make sense of the tangle in my mind.

I haven't yet got to the stage of feeding her narrative with figurative films and scrapbooks, but that sounds rather fun, in a perverse sort of way.

 
I NarcKiddo--that attitude is super similar to the way I dealt with my OCD--egg on the absurdity of it almost. It helps.

When the inner critic is a voice from my past, reason doesn't work. You can't reason with narcissist even if they are just a blip burrowed into your brain. I find it easier just to distance myself from that voice, as I would have from that person who the voice originally belonged to. It's not me, it's them. I recognise that voice as their voice, and it will never be honoured. I do find myself arguing with them a lot, but doing that is triggering. It's more harmful than helpful to engage with the unwelcome intruder.

Bermuda--That is a very helpful way of thinking about it. Learning to distinguish between the legitimate inner voice that is helpful with our current lives and the interloper from the past. In the same way I have chosen to ignore my abuser by going NC with her, I can choose the same thing with the ICr

the idea of ICr being part of my abuser who needs to be eradicated is no longer supported in the trauma T community. At least in the German one, which is where I am. According to my inpatient T last year and this year. The brain is very complicated, the psyche is very complicated. Hope this helps some way, gcj.

Blueberry,

Yes, after speaking with my T at length about dealing with the ICr, she also thinks the eradicating the ICr is unhelpful, impossible, and likely to be triggering. We are working on ignoring the ICr for now (I LOVE Woodsgnome's idea of creating a special space in my mind for the ICr) while I continue doing EMDR on specific episodes of CSA.

[storyworld]

I'm curious if any of you ever find something helpful in one instance or therapy session, but not the next, and then your therapist shifts gears? For example, my therapist has used IFS language, and at times it's been helpful in that it helps me find distance from some of my thoughts, etc., but then I also had an instance where I felt reactive to the idea and anxious about the process, or rather, a related element. Sometimes I feel like I'm a bit scattered in this respect, but I'm not trying to be difficult or unpredictable.

[dollyvee]

Hi gcj07a,

What I learned about the inner critic through IFS is that it can sometimes be legacy burdens, or parts of your parents etc, that you take on. So, while maybe a portion of that burden belongs to you, the rest is not your stuff. I spoke to someone else about this and they suggested the Pete Walker approach of telling it to shut up etc because it's not their stuff. However, it if it's not a legacy burden then I would think that you want to get to know it and in the way your t suggested, but these are just my thoughts. There's a part in the Inner Critic book by Jay Earley that talks about this, and I'll have to look it up, but I think it was New Dimensions in IFS that had a part about legacy burdens as well.

Storyworld, if you're feeling reactive/anxious etc it could be that there's a part of you that has become blended. Maybe if you let your t know, they can help you unblend and ask that part what it needs/is concerned about etc?

Sending you support,
dolly

[Nasturtium]

Ha! I think I never knew I had an ICr. Better late than never. I guess that means the icr was just integrated into my being. Thank you for all your shares about this as it really helps.